It's Jordyn's Birthday!

Yesterday (November 12, 2009) was Jordyn Paige Gottlieb's 7th birthday!

You may remember Jordyn; I've mentioned her several or more times in this Blog...

She's my imaginary grandchild, my tiny best friend and she's my Sunshine!

Of course I had to make her a birthday cake...












HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JORDYN!

I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART!

Getting it Off My Chest -- And Out of My Mind!

It's been a very long day and, as on most Fridays, I'm exhausted. I'm home alone, unless you count my Loving Son Dominic. (I usually don't at the end of a workday, because that's when he's so absorbed in his guitars and computer that he doesn't even pretend to be available to me.) Seems like the perfect time for a quick nap before dinner. But there's a problem. I can't fall asleep. See, there's something bothering me...

I know it's been a while, but you may recall that I've been working at My Very Own Fabric Store for about seven months now...Remember this?


Kate in Her Very Own Fabric Store, (MSN Paint) from "My Very Own Fabric Store," March 15, 2009

I really do still love working there, but you know how, sometimes, even though you really, really love something, you still just want to punch a hole in it? Well, today was sort of like that. Twice.

Okay, maybe the first one wasn't really punchworthy. A scathing "Well, at least I passed Charm School!" probably would have sufficed. But somehow -- and perhaps this is a sign that, having recently been thrust from my mid- into my late-50's, I am finally starting to grow up -- I was able to hold my tongue until that Big Stupid Ass-Head had left the store. (And I didn't even roll my eyes and say "Who took his cookie?" to the remaining customers in line!)

Wanna know what happened?

Oh, I knew you would!

It was an extremely busy Friday at MVOFS, but it was the kind of busy that I enjoy: Lots of customers, all with nice, easy transactions. You know -- where you're able to carry on a conversation, share a joke or two, smile, wish everyone a nice day and really mean it...the kind of day where time passes pleasantly, and all of a sudden it's time to go home. But not quite yet...

First, I noticed that my cash drawer was getting low on ones, and that I had no fives or tens, either. Then there was a spate of customers with cash. All at once I found myself asking people if they had anything smaller than a twenty, trying to keep from completely running out of small bills before someone could get to the bank. During one such transaction, I had to ask the customer to change her tender after I had rung up her sale; the amount of change that the computer told me to give her had to be re-figured. The line was getting longer and I became flustered, thinking (no -- knowing) that I was starting to look like an idiot. I had to resort to using a calculator to figure out how much change to give the customer and still have the cash drawer come out right at the end of the day.

That's when I heard the next customer in line sigh dramatically (translation: very loudly). I got even more flustered, and had to start over. Then that obnoxious little...Well, never mind what he is. He announced to the world in general, with no detectable humor, "Somebody didn't pass math class."

That's when I wished I could have used my charm school bon mot; but as I said, I'm older and (ahem) wiser now, so I just smiled a little to myself (for effect) and said "You're absolutely right about that."

It took me a few more minutes (and a couple more goes at the calculator) to be sure that my customer was getting the correct change. Then it was BSA-Head's turn. And by now I was feeling more like this:


Bad Fabric Store Guy by Kate (MSN Paint, October 23, 2009)

(I was somewhat heartened by the fact that no one laughed or cheered. Because if it had been a movie, and if he had been the Good Guy, everyone behind him would have pumped their fists in the air and shouted stuff like, "Yeah! That's right!" and "You tell her, Chief!" But they didn't do that. That means that I was the Good Guy, and he was definitely the Bad Guy.)

But, wait -- The story doesn't end here. I was about to come face-to-face with the Baddest Customer in All of Fabricstoredom!

Here, let me set this up for you...

During a lull (or before the onslaught -- I can't remember which), I had grabbed a quick moment to carry some returned merchandise to the back of the store, pausing just long enough to help a needy customer on my way back to the register. That's when I noticed a large box containing a very expensive folding craft lamp sitting on the other counter. I didn't know where it had come from, but I knew it hadn't been there earlier; I'd used that counter to rewind some fabric onto bolts. Hmmm, I thought...Someone's probably going to buy that, and doesn't want to carry it around the store. My customers are so very clever!

During my quick dash through the store, I had also noticed a tough-looking woman in (surprise!) a pink tee-shirt walking among the fabrics. (I notice a lot of things in MVOFS, not of all of them blogworthy. Trust me -- this is, simply for the fact that it was at least another hour before I encountered Tough Pink Tee-Shirt Woman again.

Have you guessed? Yep. Just a few people behind Big Stupid You-know-who, was TPT Woman. When it was her turn, she barked, "I wanna return that stuff," indicating the lamp in the box, along with a couple of other items -- which definitely hadn't been there when I'd fist noticed the box. (I will absolutely embarrass myself arguing with you if you try to tell me that they were there. That's how positive I am that they were not!)

Well, strictly adhering to MVOFS's policy, I said, "Do you have your receipt?" She muttered something about not having a receipt, but she had her debit card, which she'd had when she bought them. Knowing that there was a little piece of paper taped to the counter that would back me up, I politely declared, "I'm sorry, but we can't take returns without a receipt." She started sputtering then, and looking mean, so I quickly glanced toward the cutting table where our "acting" manager was buried past her nose in piles of fleece she was cutting for other customers. I told TPT Woman that if she would wait a moment, I'd get the manager for her. That's when she started looking downright hateful, and said, "You mean wait here longer than I already have?!! Forget it! I'll go home and find my receipt!"

I felt instant relief that what had rapidly turned into the single most unpleasant situation I'd yet experienced in MVOFS had been so quickly remedied. But when she stormed over to the other counter and grabbed up that big box, along with sewing machine oil and grommet tool she'd also set there (think she had a plan?), it hit me like a ton of bricks: She hadn't brought that stuff in to return at all. She'd been "casing" the place when I'd first noticed her. Seeing that everyone was immersed in either cutting fabric or ringing up purchases, she knew she would have plenty of time to leisurely place her "haul" on that counter and later convince me that she had brought it in with her!

Alas, she tipped her hand when I asked, perhaps just a bit incredulously (before I stopped to think how it would sound), "Did you say you brought this stuff in with you?" She said, "Yes, I did. I set it right here on this counter. You were right there." But I knew I hadn't been there. And I knew that those three items were not placed on that counter at the same time.

I also realized (hindsight) that most customers doing what she was claiming to have done would have announced, "Hey, I'm returning this stuff...I'm just gonna leave it here until I'm done shopping, okay?" (And why wouldn't they? Otherwise, someone might think they were trying to put one over on us!)

I have to admit that this time it wasn't wisdom, but fear, that made me keep my mouth shut, even though everything that's in me wanted me to point my finger, narrow my eyes and spit "Liar!" at her. (Remember, pink tee-shirt aside, she was tough, mean and hateful-looking!) Of course, keeping quiet was the right thing to do. Even before I read all that stuff in our employee manual about treating customers as we would guests in our homes, I think I knew on some level that Fabric Store Guys like me aren't supposed to call their customers liars. But still!

TPT Woman let us know with an afternoon phone call that she'd be coming in tomorrow to talk to the manager about returning her loot. I'm glad I won't be working then...but I would kinda like to be a fly on the wall.

Thanks for listening. Maybe I'll be able to get some sleep tonight!

Baby Bean -- A Grandmother's Perspective

This is how our Meagan's little "Belly Bean" looked on September 1, 2009. Of course she's a month older now. A month bigger, a month smarter, prettier, more talented...whatever. A month closer to actually being here -- In fact, we're halfway there!

Yesterday, her other Grandma, Vickie, and I went with Meagan for her appointment with the midwife. There, with the help of Doppler, we were able to hear little Bean's heartbeat. And we were just as awestruck as I remember being when I heard my own two little belly beans' heartbeats, oh so long ago.

For now, only Meagan can feel her daughter's movements. But in another month or so, we'll all be able to share the excitement. (If Meagan is willing, of course.) Until then, the sound of that tiny little heart beating away -- and ultrasound photos like the one above -- assure us that, really and truly, there is a baby -- a baby girl -- growing and thriving inside there. And we love her already.

Taking Inventory

That's a whole lot of bolts of fabric -- My Very Own Fabric Store is very huge!

I had realized a week earlier that the impending "Inventory" was something to be reckoned with. And as with all other things that require reckoning, I just let preparations unfurl around me (or un-unfurl, in the case of the draped fabrics). I asked no questions, trusting that someone would tell me what I needed to do and when I needed to do it. They did, but not a moment too soon...

Last Wednesday, D-Day for Inventory (I-Day?), I arrived at 6:00 a.m. on the dot to find a large cluster of unfamiliar people at the very center of MVOFS. (Unfamiliar and unfriendly people -- Not one of them responded to my friendly smile and warm "Hello!")

As I walked past them to clock in, I heard one of them say "Cheryl wants us all in the back," so after I had punched the timeclock, not yet seeing anyone I knew, I joined Cheryl's group at the back of the store, where I was immediately thrown into a quiet little panic attack! They were all holding little electronic scanning devices, as Cheryl explained that these devices would beep seven times and that meant something about a scale that would be placed at the end of each row...Oh My God! I was thinking. I must have missed a training session! Which one of these grumpy-looking people was going to be nice enough to explain everything to me -- and where was my scanner?!!

That's when my Assistant Manager appeared from the office, along with a couple of my fellow Sales Associates -- I was never happier to see a familiar face or two in my life! So I was told what to do and when to do it. And it was actually kind of fun. First I spent a few hours unwinding bolts of fabric and batting, measuring them, re-rolling and tagging them. (Not bad at all with no customers bugging you to cut some off for them and then let them pay you for it!)

Oh -- but here is where I must interject: If you come into MVOFS intending to buy some of the very expensive velvet fabric that hangs on a special rack from special hangers with sharp little spikes attached to them, you'd be better be pretty darned sure you want it before you ask us to take it off those hangers so you can see what a yard or two looks like! 'Nuff said.

Just around the time I was getting kind of bored with all that unrolling and measuring, I was given a Special Assignment. For reasons having mostly to do with my height, I suspect, I was appointed to follow one of those Inventory People around the Home Dec Department, lifting up each and every little knick-knack, taking pictures down from the walls, upending furniture -- whatever it took to expose each individual SKU number. Then I was to mark where we'd been with special yellow stickers. That made me feel very important, indeed. (And it turns out that this particular Inventory Person was actually quite friendly and nice after all. So you should never judge an individual by the group she hangs out with!)

On I-Day I worked 7-1/2 hours -- The closest I've come to a full day by far in the six months that I've been working in MVOFS. I still love working there, but I hope it will be at least another year before I-Day rolls 'round again. That was intense!

The Best Gift She Ever Gave Him

Alternate Title: Memories of a Couch


Kate with Chocolate Easter Bunnies, circa 1955, but...

...what I want you to notice in this photograph is not the fat-faced kid lovin' on a bunch of chocolate...I'd like to draw your attention to that couch in the background. Difficult, I know, since the Kid Who Loves Chocolate is so much the focus as the couch fades into near-oblivion, but picture this, if you will:

That couch was an indescribable rose color. There was a chair to match, but other than those two things, I don't think I've ever seen another piece of furniture quite that shade of pinkish-red. It had a rough texture; I remember that so well...

That was the couch on which I was forced to take my naps after a half-day of Kindergarten. (Such an insult to a Big Girl like me!)

That was the couch on which I was sitting one evening just before supper. My siblings were all on the floor in front of me, and we were watching "Poopdeck Paul" on tv while Dad helped Mom in the kitchen. I had one of those little pink plastic lipsticks on my pinky finger...You know -- the kind that used to come in little plastic purses with little plastic combs and little plastic mirrors? As I watched tv, I was mindlessly sucking the thing off my finger, then forcing it back on with my breath. But once I sucked a little too hard and it headed directly down my windpipe. My life flashed before me -- all seven or eight years of it. Everyone in the room was fixated on a stupid Popeye cartoon, completely unaware that their oldest sister was expiring behind them. All of a sudden, a miracle! The little pink tube popped right of my throat and onto the floor. I was alive! (And ashamed at the foolish thing I'd almost done. I laid my face against the rough surface of that couch and cried a little bit. No one ever knew.)

That was the couch on which we used to roughhouse, throwing ourselves over the padded arms and nearly breaking our necks by landing in awkward positions on the cushions.

That was the couch where I used to lie, shivering, when I would wake up in the middle of the night, afraid of my own bed. That couch was right outside Mom and Dad's bedroom door, and if I took my pillow downstairs with me, I could lie on that couch and fall safely asleep, listening to my parents breathe. (I never thought to bring a blanket, too.)

That was the couch where Mom gathered us all during storms in an attempt to get us as far away as possible from that big picture window on the front of our house. (Our Michigan basement with its dirt floor and God knows what kind of wildlife was never an option.)

And that the was the couch my dad and I were leaning against as we sat on the floor on September 23, 1957. I have no recollection of where my sisters were, but I know that my mom was still in the hospital, having just given birth that morning to my brother, Mark -- my first brother. In my heart, I can still see my dad's face as he said, "Yep, this is the best birthday present she's ever given me -- a son."

We still have that boy, of course -- He just celebrated his 52nd birthday! I don't remember ever getting rid of that couch, but somewhere along the road it went to wherever it is that good, faithful old couches go. I know that when the stuffing started to show through that rough pink fabric, Mom covered it with a stylish green slipcover with big swatches of gold on it. (The matching chair, too, of course.)

Somewhere there are other photos of our family gathered around that couch. And of course there are all those memories...

The other day -- Mark's and Dad's birthday -- I was remembering that couch as the background of a very special moment I'd shared with my dad.

Happy Birthday Dad and Mark...I love you guys!

Gratuitous Photo of My Dad and His Two Sons (That's Mark on the left), August 2007

Remembering Frances...

The Members of the "Intimate Book Group:" Frances Moore, Mary Elizabeth Kiester and Marilyn Brenneman, May 2009. (And of course, me.)


I remember many things about my friend, Frances...

I remember the day I met her. It was a rainy afternoon in April. I now know that the year was 1996, one year after her beloved Sam had passed away. I was the neighbor-to-neighbor volunteer that spring, collecting for the American Heart Association. I got very few responses to those little form letters you send out with the self-addressed, stamped envelopes. But one came back with a personal note..."Please come for a visit..." and a telephone number. It never ocurred to me not to call.

The note turned out to be from my neighbor across the street...Frances Moore -- a neighbor I had yet to meet, although our family had moved into the neighborhood five years earlier.

Although it would have been a short walk, I drove my car that day because it was raining...

I cannot tell you about my first impression of Frances without using the word "twinkly." The woman absolutely twinkled as she introduced herself and welcomed me into her home. I love telling how, upon finding out that I was teaching the 8th grade catechism class at our church, this retired 7th-8th grade English teacher clapsed her hands over her heart and said, "Oh, that is such a wonderful age!" Seriously -- she meant it! I knew then that she was, without a doubt, one of the best teachers that ever walked the halls of Guilford Middle School, and I was sad that she had retired before either of my children could have had her.

Something else I remember about that day is the James Thurber edition on her coffee table...

I was just coming off of a Thurber "binge." (That's how Frances described the times she had felt compelled to read everything a particular author has written.) Upon seeing her book, I told her how much I had enjoyed reading Thurber -- and things that had been written about him. That's how we discovered the bond that would cement our friendship for 13 years...Not just that we both loved James Thurber, but that we shared a passion for reading and authors, period!

I remember some of the wonderful authors I've read -- and fallen in love with -- simply because Frances suggested them -- John Ehle, Clyde Edgerton, Fred Chapel, Jan Karon, Tim McLaren. And I remember a few that we actually met in person...

Reynolds Price. We went together to see him speak at the main library downtown, and another time at Barnes & Noble. What an experience it must have been to have him as a teacher of writing...That strong, resonant voice...It was hard to believe that its owner was confined to a wheelchair!

Robert Morgan. Barnes & Noble again. A small group on a warm autumn afternoon. He read from his book, Gap Creek. He signed our copies, and impressed us as a perfect southern gentleman.

John Berendt. Remember Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil? This is one of my favorite France memories...

Berendt was speaking at Greensboro College, and Frances thought it would be nice to bring her friend, Emily, to see him, too. So I drove these two lovely ladies -- with their walkers in the trunk of my car -- downtown, found a place to park, and managed to get all of us into our seats before Mr. Berendt began his talk. Which was wonderful. He was very handsome, and an entertaining speaker.

At the end of the session, it was announced that the author would be signing copies of his book in another building on another part of the campus. Frances was concerned that she and Emily would have difficulty maneuvering their walkers across campus, and we knew the chances of my finding another parking place before everyone went home for dinner were pretty slim. As we were discussing our options, I saw Mr. Berendt come from behind the curtain and begin speaking with someone at the side of the stage.

Now this is not the type of thing I'm usually comfortable doing, but with Frances prompting me, I approached this rather intimidating fellow -- a New York Times best-selling author -- and explained that I was there with two friends with walkers, and, well, I'm sure he could see the difficulty...Would he mind just signing our books right then and there? He'd be making three ladies (two of them with walkers, remember) very happy, and he'd be saving us a lot of aggravation in the bargain!

I must say that although he obliged, he seemed a little tight-lipped as he looked over my shoulder; I felt properly chastised for being so bold. But when I turned around to find my friends...Gone -- both of them! I'm sure Mr. Berendt was thinking, C'mon, Lady -- Imaginary friends I can understand -- but both of them with walkers?! (I later found Frances and Emily -- and their walkers -- coming out of the restroom.)

I remember how I used to love visiting Frances at her house across the street. Oh, it was always a pleasure to visit Frances, even after she had moved into an assisted-living facility. She was ever the gracious hostess, and she always made me feel like she had nothing more important to do than to make me feel special. (And I know I'm not the only one who felt that way in her presence.)

The wonderful thing about visiting Frances across the street, though, was walking up her long driveway...It seemed like her house was a mile from the road, and that she had a magical forest for a front yard! I'm not exaggerating when I say I felt like Hansel and Gretel must have felt when they started out on their walk through the woods -- but without their apprehension. In this fairy tale, the creature who lived in the house at the end of the road was not a wicked witch, but a beautiful angel with a huge heart!

Oh, I remember so many more things about Frances. I am so thankful for all of those wonderful memories, as well as for the memories that her children, her friends and some of the students whom she loved so much shared at her funeral.

It's been just a month since Frances Askue Moore died. The last time I saw her, she was sitting on the edge of her bed, assuring me that she didn't need a thing...She was just "resting," she was fine. "Good-bye, Darling," she said. "I love you."

I love you, too, Frances. And I treasure all the things around my house that remind me of you...your birdfeeder, my angel pin, a green ceramic vase, some jelly glasses, the tiny cloisonne box from the Smithsonian. Our Intimate Book Group will continue to meet, and we know that you'll be with us whenever we do!

"Butterfly," August 24, 2009 (Kate's LRDC)

An Unremarkable Moment...

I can't believe I let it go by with nary a mention! September 12 marked the one-year anniversary of my Bowl of Chairies!






I didn't even blog that day!

Actually, I was thinking September 14 was the anniversary. But September 14 (Peyton's birthday) marked my last official "If Today is Your Birthday" post. Yep. Pretty much everyone I know has now been immortalized at least once in this blog, beginning with Gina Gottlieb on September 18, 2008. Hey -- I just realized something: My other Gina-Friend, Gina Gourley, would have been properly birthday-blogged on September 10, except that I did hers a couple days early (on purpose, of course). If not for Keenan's and Peyton's (two of my "Borrowed Babies"), my birthday blog ritual would have begun and ended with a Gina! Now that's remarkable!

So anyway, it's been a year. I feel like I should change something, but nah...I went through so much trouble (with the help of My Awesome Husband Greg) trying to get that header with the bowl of "chairies" just right...

Hey, maybe this would be a good place to say that yes, I have noticed that the letters are just a tad too far left, and that the capital A even goes off the lace a little bit. Like I said, I went through so much trouble...

Also, yes, I have greatly slacked off lately, barely posting anything except birthday blogs. Could you tell that I took that responsibility seriously? It was as if I imagined everyone who knows me waking up on their birthday and immediately logging on to see if I'd done their blog. Of course I do know the reality...that even after I'd sent e-mails notifying recipients that they'd been blogged, some of them didn't even bother to read what I'd written. But I live in my own mind, so I tried -- and yes, occasionally failed -- to at least post timely birthday wishes!

Well, now my work is done. Now maybe I'll be able to think of other things to write about that people won't want to read.

First, however, there are other things I must do. In fact, that list is so overwhelming I think I may just let myself get lost in a book or something. But, hopefully, I'll be back soon with nothing remarkable to say!

September 14 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

Peyton Virginia Wilson, August 2009 (LRDC)

..If today is your birthday (Well, yesterday, actually -- I'm late!), you are a very special little girl, and I love you!

...If today is your birthday, I remember the very first day that Daddy dropped you off at my house so I could watch you while he and Mommy went to work. You were so quiet, but you never cried.

...If today is your birthday, I remember the first time I picked you up to hold you...You wrapped your arms around my neck and gave me a really good hug. I've always loved your hugs, my Peyton!

...If today is your birthday, you've delighted our whole family with your funny little ways. You made me fear for your life the way you insisted on running everywhere, when you could barely walk! (I joked that there should be a Peyton-sized hole in the door at the end of the kitchen because you never stopped running until you hit something.)

...If today is your birthday, I've been amazed at the quickness of your mind and your passion for learning and trying new things. "Brilliant" is the word that comes to mind.

...If today is your birthday, I sometimes long for those days when I would get to keep you all day long, knowing when I said goodbye in the afternoon, that I'd be seeing you again the next morning. But...

...If today is your birthday, you're five years old now, and you have a baby brother and you go to school and I go to work...I'm just so very glad that I still get to see you and your wonderful family once in a while!

...If today is your birthday, I'm sorry this message is late, but...


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR PEYTON!

WE LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY!

September 11 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

...If today is your birthday...



...and you have a brother who turned five on his birthday in May...




...then this blog is for both of you!

...If today is your birthday, etc., you are those boys who live next door to me, and whom I've had the honor -- and delight -- of taking care of from time to time while your mom and dad had to work.

...If today is your birthday...you are two of the most awesome kids I know -- for your cuteness. your brilliance and your ability to make me laugh and shake my head in amazement (and amusement). I'm so very glad to know you!

...If today is your birthday...it makes me happy just to know that you're over there having adventures for your mom to blog about! I love seeing her pictures of you on facebook, and I love running into you sometimes when you're playing outside.

...If today is your birthday...I know there will be enough cake and fun for both of you -- and Mom and Dad and your three (!) dogs, too. I just want to say "Hi Pie!" to both of you...


HAVE A WONDERFUL, FUN-FILLED DAY!

(Photos of Keenan and Kieran Rayfield, July 2009, my LRDC)

September 9...If Today is Your Birthday...

My Awesome Husband Greg Looking Handsome. (June 2009)


...If today is your birthday, you are My Awesome Husband Greg, and you were hoping I wasn't going to blog you. Whatever...

...If today is your birthday, it probably won't be as much fun as the ones you remember from earlier years in terms of the "stuff" you get. But I hope it will bring you as much happiness as you can stand. That's how much happiness you deserve for all you are to me!



MAHG Thinking, What -- No Presents? (June 2009)


...If today is your birthday, you probably won't notice a big difference in the way I'm acting...I mean here I am, first thing in the morning, down on my computer...What's unusual about that? Still, there will be something special about the way I'm feeling, because it's your special day!



MAHG, Not Afraid To Get His Hands Dirty. (June 2009)


...If today is your birthday, my prayer for you is that the worries that normally keep your mind busy will give it a rest, at least for today, so you can just focus on all of the things that make you happy!

...If today is your birthday, I love you as much as ever, and am so blessed to have been able to share so many of them with you -- and I am looking forward to at least 50 more! (Yeah, I crack myself up, too.)



MAHG, Straight Up (June 2009)


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY GREGORY -- WITH ALL MY LOVE!

September 8...If Today is Your Birthday...

...If today is your birthday, surprise! Your birthday isn't until Septemter 10! Gotcha! (I guess.)
*Note added Sept. 9, 2009

Picture of a Picture...Gina Abruzzo Gourley and Meagan Fischer Kopp, circa 1981, Metamora Michigan


...If today is your birthday, I was simply going to post this photo on facebook, but then I thought What the heck...I haven't done a blog lately...

...If today is your birthday, I had some great memories of you and your family rekindled this weekend as we watched old videotapes of Meagan's early years. (You know, anticipating what her baby might look like when she gets here?) And there you were, running back and forth in a little pink velour jumpsuit, looking so cute. I hope you still have that jumpsuit!

...If today is your birthday, I'll never forget the day before you were born, driving over bumpy dirt roads with your mom and dad, trying to induce her labor. (Did I mention that Meagan was driving?)


*Well, I guess it must have been TWO days before...Whatever!


...If today is your birthday, I hope that lots of fun things will happen to you and for you!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, GINA -- HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!

If August 20 Was Your Birthday...

Max Benjamin Branson (second from left) with some of his cousins (Dominic Fischer and Bethany and Kristofer Karlek, to be exact), July 2009. (Kate's LRDC)

...If August 20 was your birthday, you should absolutely feel honored because this is the tardiest I have ever been to honor someone with a birthday blog...At least that's one way of looking at it, and it happens to be true!

...If August 20 was your birthday, I hope you'll forgive me for being so late. Please be assured that did not forget your birthday! It's just that I put so much pressure on myself to come up with something truly unique and entertaining for your birthday, because you deserve nothing less. After all, you, yourself, have always been such a unique and entertaining baby/child/person! Naturally, such pressure rendered me absolutely helpless in coming up with something!

...But if August 20 was your birthday, it is not my intent (nor is it my job as your aunt) to document all of the things which make you unique and entertaining. That has been adequately done by your mother. (Although I do own up to having regaled a few of my friends with tales of your uniquely entertaining ways. Who hasn't, after all, heard the story of the noodles and bars?)

...If August 20 is your birthday, I also hope you will forgive me for this:



An amateurish "recreation" of a photograph of Max in the "Alligator" Sweater knit for him by Aunt Kate when he was about two years old. (Kate, MSN Paint, 8/23/09

I hope you had a wonderful birthday, Max! I really do think you're awesome, and we love you!

One More Thing I Have to Tell You...

"Baby Bean," June 2009 (not my LRDC). Debut scheduled for February, 2010.


I'm going to be a Grandma! Actually, I'm going to be Grammakate. Within minutes of letting us know that she and Joe were going to have a baby, My Dazzling Daughter Meagan told me to start thinking about what I'd like to be called. (You know -- with reference to being a grandmother.) She made it sound like it was my decision, but it turns out she has some very specific ideas about names that will not be acceptable. For instance, anything with "Granny" in it. Like Granny Square, or Granny Cake.

That's okay. Once the little Bean gets here, Meagan can name her whatever she wants. I know what I'll be calling her when her mama's not around. (That is my decision to make, right?)

Note: It'll be a few more weeks before we can find out if Bean is a boy bean or a girl bean. Until then, I simply cannot refer to her as "it." In my heart I feel likes she's a girl. I could be wrong, of course; if I am, it will be very easy for me to turn around and start referring to her as "him." But for now she's a girl bean.

Of course My Awesome Husband Greg and I are thrilled. So is Uncle Dominic. Whenever one of us starts to feel a little overburdened by the all of the troubles in the world today, all we have to do is say, "Meagan's going to have a baby." Faces soften, eyes glow and smiles form.

That's all for now. Have a wonderful day!

Oh Yeah -- About My Car (An Interim Blog)

Remember this?





It's my boring old Catera, mentioned here a few weeks ago (But How Observant Am I REALLY?...), just sitting quietly in our garage, minding her own business on a Sunday evening...

That was before she was taken from us by some unknown malfeasant(s) who had the audacity to walk into our garage, climb into the driver's seat, start the ignition and drive her off to who knew where until an entire week had gone by!

Yes, the garage door was left open, and yes, the keys were left in the ignition. What's your point? We were all in the house at the time!

The next time we laid eyes on our poor old girl, she looked like this:






Note: I do realize that the "before" picture does not show her rear window at all (nor much else, other than her left side), but trust me -- the window was intact when she was taken!

There were more photographs, but they make me sad so I decided not to show them here. Suffice it to say that, because of the condition of that rear window, a severe thunderstorm thoroughly soaked her interior. The inside of her trunk was also ripped apart, apparently to allow access to what was most likely the reason for her abduction in the first place: a leveling pump which is standard in all Cadillac models, and worth a few hundred dollars in some markets. (Who knew, right?)

Anyway, this won't be over for me until I have another car I can call "mine." And when I do have one, I'm sure I'll learn to trust and feel comfortable in whatever it is, just as I did my old silver girl. (And if it's red, like the rental car provided by Insurance for a couple of weeks, why I may even learn to love it -- as long as it also has a CD player! We'll just have to wait and see.)

Meanwhile, this is just to let you know that our stolen car has been found. Actually, only a couple of miles from here, in the parking lot of the apartment complex where Meagan lived right after she graduated from college. She had been covered up with a tarp (the car -- not Meagan), but the aforementioned storm took care of that. When someone finally noticed her sitting there with her window broken out and her insides exposed to the elements, they called the police.

Of course we have no idea who took our car. We probably never will. We...er, I mean My Awesome Husband Greg...jousted with the insurance company, appraisers and Cadillac dealers for about a week. A dollar amount was settled upon, and now we just have to wait.

For what?

Well, apparenty for MAHG to look at EVERY SINGLE USED CAR FOR SALE IN THIS COUNTY! He needs to do that, you see, before he can make a decision. And even though I will most likely be the person to drive whatever we end up with, I have given MAHG complete authority to make such a decision on my behalf. I simply cannot let myself be drawn into the process. I liked the first [red] car he showed me; the price was right; I said "Buy" and thought it was a done deal. That was over a week ago. Still, we wait...

I Almost Forgot! (A Follow-Up Doctor Blog)

"A Happier Doctor" by Kate, August 11, 2009

I can't believe I almost forgot to post a follow-up doctor blog! My last one was on April 27 -- "What the Doctor Actually Said," and bore a picture captioned "Frowny-Face Doctor." It was not a blog I was happy to post, because in it, I had to admit that I had goofed; by listening to my "inner doctor," I had created a scary setback for myself, and was convinced that I never would see the day when I could post my "Ecstatic Doctor" blog.

Well, things are definitely looking up since then! I wouldn't say Dr. Pulmonologist was exactly ecstatic when I saw him in June, but he was certainly much happier than he had been at my last appointment! The results of my Pulmonary Function Test, although not "perfect," were very much "improved" over the ones I had last October (How Does Your Pulmonary Function?). So he seemed very pleased to tell me that I could now reduce my dosage of prednisone to five milligrams a day for two months (which will get me through August), and then, if things continue to go well (and they are!), I will be able to alternate days of five mg with zero mg. Then perhaps one day on, two days off? We'll see.

Of course my plan is still to be able to completely stop taking the stuff, but I'm no longer in such a big hurry. I like not having blue fingers. I also like not gasping and coughing whenever I'm having a conversation or giving a concert*. I like being able to run if I feel like it, and dance without worrying about oxygen deficit. In fact, if things stay the way they are today, I'll be happy!

Well -- with one exception: If things can stay as they are with NO prednisone!

Because I don't like wondering if that powerful little pill...the one which is now causing my hair to fall out and my face to look like a great big giant sugar cookie with eyes...which is making me look like I have an inner tube under my tee-shirt and curls of spun glass outlining what used to be my jawline...if that same little pill isn't doing other, even more horrifying things to parts of me that I can't so easily see! (It does have that reputation, you know.)

Well, I'm glad I got this post out of the way. I've decided that my doctor blogs are the most boring, tedious ones I've written (and for that I apologize); however, they are a way of keeping track of this stuff for myself. (And I do enjoy making different faces on Dr. Pulmonologist.)

I'd like to say I'm now back to blogging with renewed resolve, because I've got lots of other stuff that I'm looking forward to writing about. But I'm afraid I can't make any promises, because I'm being pulled away from blogging by several other obsessions right now. Maybe I'll tell you about them some day. For now, thanks for listening...and keep your fingers crossed about that prednisone!



*Oh -- One more thing that would make me even happier: If I could actually sing!

If Your Birthday is This Week...

...If your birthday falls with this last week of July, this Blog's for you!

...If you had a birthday this week, then you are either the daughter of a friend or a friend of my daughter -- or both -- and I just wanted to say:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY -- I'M SO VERY GLAD YOU'RE HERE!



Liz Abruzzo, Lapeer, Michigan, July 28, (Liz's photo)



Kira Krapcho, High Point, NC, July 28 (Kira's photo)



Kimberly Craven, New York City -- July 25 (Kim's photo)



I HOPE YOU ALL HAD WONDERFUL BIRTHDAYS! KEEP ON CELEBRATING!


(Note: As you can possibly tell from the date on this post, I had every intention of "publishing" it on Sunday, but Life got in the way!)

July 25 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

Greg, Bahamas, June 2004 (apparenty photographed by a fish)


...If today is your birthday, Uncle Greg is giving you two thumbs up to have a great day! (Sorry, Andi -- The only recent pictures I have of you were taken by Eric and sent to me via e-mail -- Using one of them would have been sort of like plagiarizing, wouldn't it?)

...If today is your birthday, you are My Awesome Husband Greg's second niece, and the third and last of the "Red Hot Cousins." (Hey -- Whatever happened to that group? I haven't seen anything about them in the press lately!)

...If today is your birthday, I like knowing that you live only a half-day's drive away from us with your Awesome Husband Eric and your Adorable Son Jackson (several of whose photos are currently decorating my refrigerator), even though we rarely actually get in the car and drive for a half-day!

...If today is your birthday, I hope you all have something fun planned -- you know -- like a day at a waterpark or something -- and that there will pictures of you eating cake on a water slide to share afterwards!

HAVE A WONDERFUL BIRTHDAY, ANDREA! WE LOVE YOU ALL!

July 24 -- If Today is Your Birthday...and Blog Number 200!

Fireworks over Lake Shannon by Karen Branson, Summer 2002

...If today is your birthday, yes, these fireworks are for you! Yes, this is also my 200th blog, but we're celebrating you today, Alex! (I do think it's kind of cool, though, that Blog No. 200 just happens to fall on your birthday, don't you?)

...If today is your birthday, I know that this hasn't been the most exciting summer you've ever had. And I know that last winter was disappointing because of all the snowmobiling you had to miss out on. Doesn't seem fair, does it?

...If today is your birthday, that's just a small part of what makes you so special -- the way you handle stuff like that. Because God made you that way. I don't know why you have to go through all of this, but like you, I trust that God has a plan, and that it's a good one. And that he'll help you get through it if you ever feel like just giving up!

...If today is your birthday, sometimes when I think about you, my heart actually hurts because of the way that I love you. Then I just tell God that I want him to turn that hurt into prayers.

...If today is your birthday, I sure wish we could all be there to go the Lake Inn with you -- if that's what you choose for your birthday dinner. But really, sitting out on your patio, eating your dad's grilled burgers and sweet corn would be just as fantastic! We miss you guys so much!

...If today is your birthday, I hope it won't be much longer before you can put all thoughts of seizures and vaccinations and remedies behind you, and just do the things you love again -- with no worries!

...If today is your birthday, I know your day is filled with love. I just wish I could be there to show you mine with a great big birthday hug!



Alex with Louie, Davison, Michigan, by Melissa Wagner

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALEX -- WE LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOUR DAY IS PERFECT!

July 23 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

Hilma with Papa Leo, Davison, Michigan, Summer 2008 (Greg Fischer)

...If today is your birthday, you are my Awesome Husband Greg's mother, and I adore you. Getting you as a mother-in-law was a big fat bonus prize I won for marrying Greg!

...If today is your birthday, you have always been there for us -- when we needed help, when we needed words of kindness and encouragement, when we needed someone to share our tears, and when we wanted someone to share our joy and laughter.

...If today is your birthday, in fact, you have brought us much joy and laughter yourself with your zest for life and your eagerness to try new things!

...If today is your birthday, you have a wonderful, generous heart, as evidenced by your long career as a nurse. You came from a large, loving family, and you have cultivated a large family of friends who love you. (No wonder!)

...If today is your birthday, I would want you for a friend, even if we weren't family by marriage. I thank God every day for the blessing that you are!

...If today is your birthday, I hope you enjoy every single minute of it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HILMA -- WE ALL LOVE YOU!

July 22 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

Dan letting Jordyn "drive" the Gator, Summer 2008 (Greg Fischer)



...If today is your birthday, you are my Brother-in-Law Dan, and you and your family are a big part of one little girl's 2008 summer vacation memories!

...If today is your birthday, I think my Awesome Sister Melissa made a very wise decision when she married you! I am amazed at all of the things that you know how to do!

...If today is your birthday, I have great admiration for you...for your character, your work ethic and your high standards. I also admire you for knowing how to have fun when the work is done -- and how to take care of your toys!

...If today is your birthday, you also know how to take care of your family, which is not always easy! I admire your patience and perseverence, and the love you show in all that you do.

...If today is your birthday, you also grow -- and share -- some of the best sweet corn I've ever tasted (also a huge part of Jordyn's summertime memories)!



Dan teaching Jordyn how to pick corn, Summer 2008 (Greg Fischer)

...If today is your birthday, I hope you guys are all having a wonderful time celebrating!


HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAN -- WE LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU!

What is it about this job...? (Part 2)

...Absolutely! It's the customers who make working in my Very Own Fabric Store a mixed bag of blessings and blips. Mostly blessings, but there have been a few blips.

It's the blips who make me want to resort to nasty sarcasm once in a while...

...Like the customer who wanted to return an item she'd bought exactly 61 days earlier. Our return policy is clearly displayed on the checkout counter -- and well as printed on the back of every receipt:

"For items purchased more than 60 days ago, or without a receipt, a merchandise credit will be issued."

No big deal, right? We're not saying you can't return it -- we're just not going to give you any money back. You get a store credit to use on anything you want.

Well, this particular customer treated me like I was one of those idiots that God creates from time to time just so they can be a source of irritation to other people. The way she intrepreted that statement was that as long as she had a receipt, I could give her money back. The word "or" meant nothing to her. So I politely told her I needed to check with the manager. (Who told me that if she had a receipt, to go ahead and credit her account. Dammit! I wished some other manager had been there that day!)

So, wearing my nicest I-want-you-to-feel-like-you're-a-cherished-guest-in-my-home smile, I turned back to the counter and gave her a thumbs-up, saying, "Okay then -- I can credit your account!"

"I know you can! I return stuff here all the time!"

This is where I wanted to say, "Well then -- I guess you think that's what makes you a Preferred customer? Why don't you just quit bringing stuff back, Bee-otch?!"

But of course I didn't...

Still smiling, I began the return process. And when the cash register indicated that the item she had paid $9.99 for two months ago was now in the clearance bin for $3.29, I said (in a very friendly manner), "Oh, I guess I'll have to change that so you get credit for what you paid."

"Damn right you will!" said the bit...I mean, er, customer.

(I take some consolation in the fact that I must be a bigger blip than she is, because she went out of her way to ruin part of my day. I apparently messed hers up without even trying!)

...Like the woman who returned nine glass mosaic vases, each carefully wrapped in our "custom" tissue paper (old pattern pieces), saying that she'd bought them for a ceremony, but hadn't used them. (She'd actually bought 11, but had decided to keep 2 of them for some reason.) Yeah, right, I thought as I unwrapped each one to be sure none of them were damaged. (The manager had to open the other register because a line was forming and I was apparently going to be busy for a while.)

Oh -- You didn't use these? Then what are these TINY LITTLE CONFETTI-LIKE SCRAPS OF PAPER in this one (you big fat liar?!!)

Sigh. Of course I didn't say that out loud either.

...Like the lady who called on the phone to ask if we carried Ultrasude. (We don't carry that brand, but we do have several similar lines.) She wanted to know what colors we had. She wanted to know what each one felt like. She wanted to know if I thought any of them would work for making little flower petals to glue onto pins. And she wanted me to listen to how she makes them to give as gifts.

She wanted to know how wide the fabric was. She wanted to know how much it cost. (At least those last two were reasonable questions to ask over the phone!)

She wanted to know if we had any small pieces of it...

All of these questions were asked in between times I had to put her on hold so I could run back and forth between the fabric displays and the cash register, seeking answers for her and ringing up a slew of real, tangible customers. All the while, I kept one eye on that blinking light, hoping she'd just give up and come in to see for herself! (Which is what I more or less told her when she asked me if I'd look in our remnant bin to see if there were any suede-type fabrics in either a red or a rose color in there.)

But this blip actually ended up being a blessing! After I had finally convinced her that she wouldn't be sorry if she came in to see our faux suede fabrics for herself, she wanted to know my name and how long I'd be there so she could meet me and thank me personally for all my help. And when she did come in, she said that everyone in our store was so nice and so helpful, she was going to start sewing again so she could come in more often!

Gulp. I was glad I hadn't resorted to sarcasm on her!

Truthfully, those are the only three blips I can think of. As I said, there are far more blessings in MVOFS, and I still love it there. I just wanted to vent a little bit...Thanks!

But How Observant am I REALLY? (A Horoscope Blog)

"My Car, My Garage," May 2009, Kate's LRDC (Taken to demonstrate just how close I can park to the side wall and still be able to get out, invoking the wrath of my Awesome Husband Greg.)


My horoscope in this morning's newspaper read, "You notice everything, including if people's shoes match their bags and who likes whom and how much. No one can keep a secret from you, even if they wanted to."

That first sentence is absolutely true. I also hear everything. Even when I'm totally immersed in conversation myself, I am able to follow a completely separate discussion between other people who happen to be speaking within earshot. Annoying or not, it's a fact. I attribute it to my ADD, and I consider it a gift.

(I'd like to think the second sentence is also true, because that would be really cool.)

Anyway, it's funny that my horoscope this morning should be about noticing things. Last night I had occasion to ask myself how much I had noticed about two guys I encountered on my evening walk...

I saw them as I was trucking along a curvy stretch of road with houses on one side and deep, dark woods on the other. Two young men, one with dark skin and the other white, both somewhere in their twenties and both carrying clipboards. They were walking towards me, and I heard one of them say, "Oh, a long driveway...I like that." I couldn't tell which one had spoken, but it was the white guy who headed up the driveway. The dark one stayed on course, and as he passed me, he looked right into my face and said, "Evening, Ma'am. How you doing?" I smiled, said "fine" and kept walking, wondering if they were census takers, or what.

Census Taker had popped into my head, I'm sure, because I had just been telling my sister about my having applied -- and been dissed -- for a job as one. She asked me what I would have had to do, and I told her that this phase would have been just looking at addresses and noting whether they were residential, vacant -- whatever. I would not have had to actually ring doorbells and talk to people. Hmmmm. So these guys weren't census takers...

Then, probably because I was walking all alone in Little Red Riding Hood's neighborhood just before dark, I decided to see what I could remember about those two guys -- just in case, you know...

I've already told you just about everything -- One white, one black, clipboards...The one who had spoken to me was wearing a light-colored shirt that buttoned down the front, but I can't say with any certainty whether it was yellow or green. And now I'm seeing the other guy in a white tee-shirt and jeans, although I had previously noted that both were nicely dressed. Anyway, if I hadn't seen stuff on TV and read articles about how people can be absolutely certain that they saw something, and yet it can be proven that what they "remember" isn't what they actually saw, I might have continued picturing those guys in my mind, and come up with a description on which I would have staked my life. But since I believe everything I read, I reckon I should allow that I might be off on a detail or two.

But how weird is it that it occurred to me to take inventory of what I had noticed, and then that horoscope this morning...

Here's something else I noticed: When I arrived home and walked through the garage on my way into the house, I noticed that my car was parked where it usually is -- So close to the wall that I had to squeeze past the mirror sideways just to get to the door.

My Awesome Husband Greg noticed the same thing when he went out a short time afterward to turn the hose on the plants out front. But when he went back about fifteen minutes later to roll up the hose, he noticed something else that made him call me to come upstairs immediately. And when I did, I totally noticed that my car was missing! Someone had come into the garage and driven off with it while MAHG and I were down in the office and Dominic was up in his room! None of us had heard a thing!

Now to be fair, no matter what I may or may not have noticed and/or remembered about the perps -- um -- I mean those two guys, it is possible that they had absolutely nothing to do with the disappearance of my car. I know that the police officer who came to get our information didn't seem overly impressed with the details. But together, Greg and I have come up with a plausible explanation of how they plotted and carried off the heist. I'm still working on a motive; when I come up with one, I'll record it here for posterity. Unless, of course, the police actually find the car before then, and can construct a better story...

My horoscope concluded: "Use what you learn constructively." That's all I'm trying to do.

July 19 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

My Favorite Son-in-Law Joe, July 2009, by Karen Branson

...Naaaah -- Just kidding! This is my Favorite Son-in-Law Joe:


Joe with Meagan, Father's Day 2009 (LRDC)


Anyway...

...If today is your birthday, you are my Favorite Son-in-Law Joe. (And I'm pretty sure you'd be my favorite be even if you weren't my only one.)

...If today is your birthday, now that you know you're my favorite, I guess you can probably figure out that I'm pretty happy that you married My Dazzling Daughter Meagan!

...If today is your birthday, the more time My Awesome Husband Greg and I spend around you, the more things we discover that we like about you. And that just makes us all the happier we are that you married us -- er, I mean Meagan!

...If today is your birthday, I hope you could tell how incredibly happy the two of you made us on Father's Day when you told us that we're going to be grandparents! (And of course Uncle Dominic is thrilled!)

...If today is your birthday, we really do feel blessed to be connected to you, and your mom and dad, too, in such a special way. You're gonna love being a dad yourself, Joe -- I just know it!

...If today is your birthday, I hope it was a good one, and that all the ones to come will be even better!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY -- WE LOVE YOU!

July 17 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

...If today is your birthday, I am a day late in honoring you with a "Birthday Blog."

...If today is your birthday, you have been a very special friend for more than ten years, although I have never even met you!

...If today is your birthday, perhaps you and I never will actually meet each other, but I hope our friendship will last for many, many years...Until you are a very old man!

...If today is your birthday, I am sending you love and prayers and good wishes, and I hope you can feel all that I am wishing you!

...If today is your birthday, I am thankful that God put you in my life, My Friend...


Happy Birthday, Ignatius, my Indonesian "son." I hope your day was filled with happiness!

July 13 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

"Tori and Her Boys" (l-r: Cousin Max, Uncle Jason, Dad Mark and Brother Kristofer), Zanesville, OH, December, 2008, by Karen Branson




...If today is your birthday, your "Birthday Blog" is being posted a day late because, due to a virus scare, we were off-line yesterday. (Everything's fine now, but I want you to know that I lost hours of sleep worrying because I wasn't able to do your blog in time!)

...If today is your birthday, you are the youngest daughter of my Adorable Brother Mark, and I am so happy that we share a home state, even though we don't get together nearly often enough!

...If today is your birthday, you have completed your first year of college and grown from a crazy and oh-so-funny little kid into a beautiful and still very funny young woman. All of this growing was done behind my back and without my permission!

...If today is your birthday, I still love you, even though you "fired" me from your facebook friends list. It didn't hurt my feelings or anything (sniff). I totally understand. (I'm old.) So don't spend one more second feeling bad about that, ok?

...If today is your birthday, I hope you and your awesome family share a lot of laughs and cake and other good stuff!

Have a Wonderful Birthday, Tori! We love you!!

July 9 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

(Avery Wagner on JT, June 2008)


...If today is your birthday, you are one of my very favorite people in this whole wide world -- My niece, Avery!

...If today is your birthday, it is nearly impossible for me to believe you are 14 years old! How can you have changed so quickly from that dynamic (as in explosive) little baby who did everything -- both laugh and cry -- with such gusto, into the beautiful, spirited and sweet-natured high school freshman that you are about to become?

...If today is your birthday, I envy you the childhood you've had...Do you know how many kids can't talk their parents into letting them have even one pet? (Can you even count the number of cats, dogs, rabbits, horses...that you've had?)

...If today is your birthday, you have been abundantly gifted in so many areas...Your skills as a horsewoman, your aptitude for (and innate love of) learning, your passion for reading, and most of all, your compassion -- for people and animals.

...If today is your birthday, I once held you in my arms and watched you fall asleep, thinking you must be some kind of angel. In all of those years that have rushed by so quickly, nothing has changed that feeling. You will always be my Avery-Angel, and I will always love you in a very special way!

...Oh -- and if today is your birthday, sometimes you have purple hair...



(Avery at 7 years old in her purple birthday wig)


...Maybe today will be one of those days!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AVERY! HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY!!

What is it about this job...?

...Absolutely! It's the Customers who make this job -- that is, working in My Very Own Fabric Store -- seem more like a social activity than something I should be paid for doing (although I wouldn't mind getting paid a little more)!

It's the Customers who make me smile. Mostly it's the Little Old Lady Customers (although Little Old Men still occupy a very special place in my heart)...

...Like the Little Old Lady who wanted to get rid of some of her change because it made her purse so heavy. So, oblivious to the growing line of other Customers behind her, she fumbled with a small square box that fastened with a snap -- the kind that had probably once housed a lovely brooch -- and poured a pile of quarters, dimes and nickels onto the counter. Then, with fingers that were no longer completely functional, she proceeded to count out four dollars and eighty-five cents -- the exact amount of her purchase. Sweet. (But the Customers who really made me smile that day were the ones behind her who watched and waited patiently, showing not the slightest hint of annoyance!)

...Like the seventy-something twins. They lived in different towns, dressed differently and wore their hair differently. But you could tell they were twins. The finished each others' sentences, and giggled because they were so happy to be together in MVOFS.

...Like the Little Old Lady with the heavy accent -- one I did not recognize. She barely spoke English, yet when she needed my help in choosing thread and finding yarn, she was able to make me understand that she wanted the least expensive. She kept repeating "Small money for me." She pantomimed that she wanted "thread" to make a skirt (yarn)..."Small money for me." I think she also wanted needlepoint canvas, which we do not carry. She tried to describe it for me by making hand motions that looked like weaving a needle in and out of something, and kept repeating, "Square." (I think she told me she'll bring some in to show me. I'll be happy to see her again.)

But it's not only Little Old Ladies...and they don't only make me smile. Some of them inspire me...

...Like the Blind Lady. My first encounter with her was over the phone. I had no idea she was blind, but because she was so pleasant, I didn't make my usual judgment -- Heightened Sense of Self-Importance -- about Customers who call on the phone rather than come in to find something themselves. She described a yarn she had bought, giving me the brand and the color name. She said she needed two more skeins if we had it (which we did), and wondered if we could have it at the front desk so she could just run in and pick it up. When she came in later, she was being led by a beautiful black lab. I was impressed that she knew that she had paid me with a twenty-dollar bill. When I gave her change, she asked me to give her the five first...Ah-ha -- she had separate compartments!

The next time Blind Lady came in, she had her dog, of course, but she was also accompanied by a friend. Her friend said little. It was Blind Lady herself who let me know that she was trying to find some ribbon to go on a pillow she was making. She had a sample of fabric, and we had a large bin of ribbon on spools that were marked half off. She completely trusted me when I told her what I was showing her, and what I thought would look best on her pillow (although that could have been why she'd brought a friend). What amazed me was that as she felt a spool of ribbon that was coming unwound, she would wind it carefuly before she placed it back in the bin.

I had to leave them to their own devices for a while so I could tend to other Customers, but eventually they arrived at the cash register with several spools of ribbon. Blind Lady was very excited, telling me that she would like to spend an entire day looking at the ribbon. (Here her friend interjected that she'd have to compulsively straighten everything she touched.) She told me she loved to wrap presents, knowing how beautiful they looked, and that she'd love to find a job at Christmas time just wrapping presents for someone. (Hello -- She's blind!)

Of course there are Little Old Men Customers who make me smile, too...

...Like the Little Old Man who came to tell me that his wife had "bought this yesterday," and that there was a problem. He produced an empty zipper wrapper, pointing out that there had been only one zipper in it. I looked quizzically at him, hopefully indicating And your point is...? He said "Well, there are supposed to be two in it." He indicated where the package said "2 black." When I pointed out that "2" was the color number, and showed him other packages that said "26 red" and "1 white," he just burst out laughing. He said, "Well I guess I need another one then," and he chuckled to himself all the way out the door. I know he couldn't wait to get home and tell his wife about her mistake, but I'm sure he did it nicely.

...And like all of the Little Old Men who accompany their wives into MVOFS, either as chauffeurs, chaperons, pack mules...Whatever their function, they mostly follow their wives around quietly (having had years of experience at this sort of thing, I suppose), stating an opinion if asked, keeping quiet if not. And when they finally arrive at the cash register, most of them can't resist getting in a good-natured barb or two at the expense of their partners. (Who often "barb" right back.)

Yep -- it's the Customers who make me smile.

But the other day I had a Customer make me cry. Naturally it was a Little Old Man...

When it was his turn at the register, I said, "And how are you doing today?"

"Oh, I guess I'm gettin' along okay. I lost this beautiful lady here at the beginning of the month..." and he opened his wallet to show me a picture of his wife. When I looked at his face, it was all I could do not to weep -- I knew I wouldn't be able to speak without sobbing, so I just patted his hand. (He was buying upholstery fabric.)

Thank goodness the next customer was a Sassy Lady, who was able to make me laugh!