Plugging Grandma

OK, I realize that title can be taken a couple of different ways. Please let me explain...





I don't mean plug as in "to stop something up (with bullets or otherwise), and I don't mean Grandma as in my "parent's mother." I mean it, rather, in the sense of publicizing Grandma's Secret Spot Remover, which is a nifty little bottle of stuff we sell in My Very Own Fabric Store!





As a matter of fact, there's sort of a contest going on right now between my branch of the store and all of the other ones to see who can sell the most little bottles of Grandma's at $3.99 per. And, well, I am now prepared to offer a personal testimonial if someone should ask,

"Say, does this stuff really work?" I'll just say,


"Does it ever, Bub!"



Here, look...

This was my favorite little yellow jacket a couple of weeks ago after I spilled a glass of red wine all over myself at my husband's concert. (They'd probably rather I didn't mention it here, but since I'm into plugging right now, what the heck -- "The Greensboro Tar Heel Chorus.")

Oh -- and here are my favorite white jeans, victims of the same mishap...

Well, to be perfectly honest, the jeans shouldn't be part of my testimonial, since in their case, Grandma needed a little help from Clorox. But I swear to you, Bloggees: That little magic squeeze bottle worked all by itself -- just a few drops in fact -- to make my cute little yellow jacket look like new!

Now I'm not sure what the problem was with the jeans, but I should mention here that my Wonderful/Thoughtful Son-in-Law Joe was so relieved that he wasn't the victim of my most recent Stupendous Spilling Stunt, that he rushed off for a bottle of water and a handful of napkins. But by the time he returned, I had already rubbed the "damned spot" (Shakespeare) with the sweetly scented baby-wipe proffered by my friend, Becky. (Joe held on to the water, I suppose, in case I decided I needed something else to drink later.)

So now I'm left to ponder...Was it the baby-wipe pre-treatment that rendered Grandma's special potion ineffective on the jeans, while it freely performed its magic on my jacket? I'm thinking perhaps another "experiment" might be in order...

Who wants to sit beside me next time?

My Son the Video Clip Guy

Well, I'm pretty excited for a couple of reasons, Bloggees:

First, although I still need some practice, I seem to have acquired the minimal skills necessary for me to upload video clips from YouTube to my blog -- with a little help from a friend, of course. And I don't mean that phony friend-wannabe who hides behind the ubiquitous Help icon that appears on every website you visit -- That guy's no help at all. Hell, he doesn't even allow me one "Yeah, but...!" No, I mean help from a real friend with a real blog who really knows what she's talking about. (Thank you, Liz!)

Here -- check this out. (But first, Cheese Alert!)

And that's the second thing I'm excited about: My son's friend, Paco, had to do a project for a digital film class, so he used Dominic and another buddy, Mark as actors. (Their names aren't really Rick and Dave -- That's why they're called "actors," I guess.)

Anyway, these two events came together at just the right time for me, because it's apparently true that when something is given, something is taken away: I seem to have lost my ability to e-mail videoclips to members of my family who will not play facebook with me, but who may (if I bug them often enough) check my blog occasionally... I'm hoping they'll see Dominic's acting debut right here in my Bowl of Chairies!



Oh, in case you didn't recognize him, Dominic was the dude with the long hair. But he's since gotten a new (and improved, at least in my motherly opinion) look...

Dominic Fischer, 4/26/09, by Greg

OK. That's all for now, folks. I'll be back soon!

Hospitality Blog

Good morning, dear Bloggees...First I'd like to welcome all of my official Followers. Let's see, I think we all know each other...There's Liz and Melissa and Brad and...wait -- There's someone we haven't met yet...Who's that gorgeous purple scorpion in the corner? Please don't be shy...Won't you please just give us a clue?

Well then...I love you all, and I just want to say thank you for reading this blog. Now let's all go get some donuts!

What the Doctor Actually Said...

"Frowny-Face Doctor" by Kate, 4/27/09 (MSN Paint)

Let's see now...I guess the last time I posted an actual doctor blog was January 21 (Happy Doctor with Reservations Blog). You remember, of course -- the one where I was "happy because I got what I wanted for now," and was looking forward to posting one last doctor blog, the title of which would be Ecstatic Doctor Blog...

It was the one where I outlined Doctor Pulmonologist's plan for me to gradually reduce my intake of prednisone from 40 milligrams to 20 by the end of March. That's what he actually said, and it's what I actually did...except for I guess I got a little bit ahead of myself -- er, I mean I got a little bit ahead of Dr. Pulmonolgist -- resulting in the Frowny-Face Doctor picture above.

Really, I didn't mean to displease the good doctor -- I do still love him, you know. It's just that my dislike for that ornery little pill which I must confront daily far outweighs my love for a doctor whom I only see once every few months! So I decided to listen to my little Inner Doctor, who, to be honest, hasn't completely finished Med School yet. I can see that that was not a wise decision, as evidenced by the return of blue fingers, hacky cough and gaspy voice once I reached 10 milligrams. (You see, I sort of forgot that I wasn't supposed to reach 10 milligrams until after my appointment with Dr. P. earlier this month. I had hit that mark with two weeks still left in March. I guess I can see why he was ever so slightly disapproving -- although still very nice about expressing his disapproval.)

Anyway, I anxiously showed up for my appointment a couple weeks ago with a general feeling of shame -- I knew this was not going to be the Ecstatic Doctor appointment I had hoped for a few months ago!

Sure enough. He didn't yell at me or anything -- Dr. Pulmonologist is way too kind for that. (However, I did sort of yell at My Awesome Husband Greg later, on the way home, for acting like a big fat tattletale without even bothering to get facts straight!) But without my beloved doctor so much as raising his voice (or an eyebrow), I could tell I had let him down -- something which I really hated to do, and something about which I would obsess for hours later on. But that's the subject of another blog...Here's Dr. Pulmonogist's new plan (a plan to which I promise to completely adhere this time!):

He told me to return to 15 milligrams of that yucky drug, and to remain there through the end of May. Which I have done, and I am happy to announce that after two weeks on that dosage, I'm back where I was before I began the whole weaning process in January! (Note: The good and wise doctor did say that, although I may have to stay on a low dose FOREVER, that 15 milligrams is better than 40. I agree. But being me, I have to ask...Did I ever really need 40 then? Hmmm...)

Anyway, according to the new plan, in June I can cut back again to 10 milligrams, and I'll see Dr. P. mid-month, when he'll test my pulmonary function again. (Another note: Dr. Pulmonologist and I jointly decided not to do that test at my April appointment, since -- thanks to my taking things into my own hands -- I was apparently right back where I had started in October (How Does Your Pulmonary Function?, 10/8/08). Thank God that is no longer the case! (Really -- thanks, God!)

So that's where we are now, Bloggees. I'm feeling pretty good -- definitely better than I did on 40 milligrams. Still a little puffy, of course, but at least my clothes fit comfortably again. (I am glad, however, that I don't really have to pull my pants on over my head, because it's apparently gonna take less than 15 milligrams to shrink my big fat face back to it's normal size!) I can clog and walk fast (perhaps even run, if I so desired) without my fingers changing hue. I can read and ramble on for hours (apparently) without gasping for words (and isn't that great news, everyone?!!) Really -- my Inner Doctor is telling me that I just might be able to get off the stuff entirely. Of course I know he's an idiot, but this time I can't help but hope he's right!

My Very First MerleFest!

Hey -- This is they guy I had dinner with last night! (I don't suppose it matters that before yesterday I didn't even know who he was, does it?)



You see, thanks to the generosity of an old friend of My Awesome Husband Greg, we attended our very first MerleFest yesterday. The tickets were unexpectedly offered on Friday, and amazingly, everything just fell into place, and there we were!

As soon as we arrived and had a chance to check out the extensive program, we both felt drawn to the Austin stage, where, at that very moment, billed as part of the ongoing "Greatest Acoustic Blues Show on Earth," Pat Donohue was entertaining folks piled high above him on the side of a hill. What a fabulous beginning to what would turn out to be a wonderful day!

We spent the afternoon wandering from stage to stage, trying to map out some sort of an itinerary for ourselves, knowing only one thing for certain -- that we wanted to end up at the Watson stage at 7:45 for Emmylou Harris. But oh, the wonderful sights and sounds -- and smells -- that besieged our senses...We couldn't stay on one course for more than a few minutes!

(Note: We did end up at the Watson, and see Emmylou we did -- on a gigantic TV screen which was clearly visible from our seats about a mile away from the stage. Of course you could hear that beautiful voice from anywhere on the campus!)

Naturally, it was the scents that eventually got us -- right to the food tent. And although the aromas turned out to be more enticing than the actual food, it was still nice to be able to sit down with some likeable folks (surrounded by some not-so-likeable flies) and fill our bellies with something. (Thai noodles with veggies for me, and an Italian sausage sandwich for Greg. Oh, and what was probably the best sweet tea I've ever tasted.)

My favorite part, though, was when Pat Donohue -- the very same Pat Donohue of Our-Very- First-MerleFest-Artist-Ever fame strolled over with a plate of food and asked if he could sit at our table. I was immediately struck dumb, and Greg soon got up and started doing whatever it is he does when he's surrounded by a bunch of new people and things to see. But the nice couple sitting next to me kept the gab going by getting him to talk about his experiences on Prairie Home Companion. He was such a nice guy -- I wish I would have thought to have him sign my program. (You know, for my son, who wasn't able to be there with us. He really loves bluegrass music, you know. Right, Dominic?)

After dinner, our wanderings took us past the Americana stage, where the Kruger Brothers were just finishing up their gig -- and boy, am I sorry I missed that one! If I were Paula Abdul, I'd have a whole bunch of words I could use to describe how those guys sounded. But I'm just me, so all I can come up with is Awesome! I wish you could have been there Bloggees -- I just know you would have loved them too!

Well, that entire day was just darned near perfect for me -- including the weather! One of the most fascinating things was the people -- the vast number of them and the fact that no one seemed cranky or irritable. Not even the little kids. Hell, not even me! Clearly what this world needs is more bluegrass music!


OK. I guess I do have a couple of complaints: The porta-john with man-pee all over the seat (I know it was a man because women don't do that!) and the massive cloud of grill smoke that began wafting overhead when the wind changed after dinner. That eventually started a fire in my lungs, and we had to leave before Emmylou was finished. I surely do hope she didn't see us sneak out!

You know, I'm not even going to mention the misinformation given to us by the Boy Scouts regarding the destination of the shuttle bus we boarded at the end of the day. What the heck -- we were eventually reunited with our car, and I've had happy music in my head all day. I just hope it's still there tomorrow, too!

Hazards in the Workplace

Twirly Skirt Hazard by Kate, 4/23/09 (MSN Paint)

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Of course we all make mistakes. We don't all readily own up to them, but we all make them.

Personally, I enjoy telling everyone about my mistakes. (And by "everyone," I mean Everyone -- the checkout girl in the grocery store, the guy behind me in line, the person sitting next to me in the theater, the little kid strapped into a carseat behind me, my Awesome Husband Greg (no matter what he's watching on tv), my Dazzling Daughter Meagan when I can catch her on her cell phone on her way home from work, people on my Contacts list and anyone who happens to read this blog. For instance...

Do you remember the day I wore my cowboy boots to work, stepped in a little puddle in the restroom and then skated across the breakroom floor, kicking those boots up behind me and landing prone on the floor -- after smacking my face on the corner of a table? (12/24/08, Some More Words About Work-Appropriate Footwear)? Well, as embarrassing as that incident was, I felt I had a responsibility to share it, so that I might prevent others from putting themselves in harm's way as I had. (Previously, it had been a little known fact that wet cowboy boots are a very serious hazard in the workplace. But now, thanks to my need to point out my klutziness before anyone else can, Everyone knows it.)





Well, yesterday I discovered another wardrobe-related workplace hazard...the Twirly Skirt.





It sounds harmless, I know. But if you have one in your closet, I hope you will limit its appearances to places that involve standing or sitting perfectly still (i.e., church), or places where there will be a lot of drunken revelry and actual twirling (i.e., parties).

If you choose to wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you do so at your own risk. You should, therefore, know what you are risking...



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk getting a reputation as a person who musn't be taken seriously. (Just try walking all the way from the front to the back of the store in a Twirly Skirt without skipping!)



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk getting so caught up in the fantasy that you are some kind of a princess or something that you will have difficulty concentrating on what people are saying, causing you to frequently respond "huh?" This tends to leave customers feeling dissatisfied, and managers feeling irate.



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk imagining that you have a level of gracefulness far beyond that which you can actually claim. I can't explain this, but trust me -- it happens. And when it does, it can leave you with a heady disregard for caution. You become reckless about watching your step, you ignore spatial relationships and scoff at miscellaneous objects which may suddenly lurch into your path.


And most importantly...

No matter how cute and perky you think you look, if you wear a Twirly Skirt to work and any or all of the above should occur, you risk invoking the pity of the nice man who saw you rip your skirt on the 30% off sign as you were leading him to the "cheap" lining fabrics. And you will not be able to convince yourself that, when he returns to the store the next day with two women, that he's not hoping for a repeat performance. These are women who wear dresses to the floor and cover their heads with fabric; you know they want to see for themselves what happens when you wear a Twirly Skirt to work!



Well, there you have it. I have learned from my experiences, and you have been warned: No Cowboy Boots or Twirly Skirts at My Very Own Fabric Store. Sigh. (But they do look so cute together.)

Unnecessary Explanation?

I'm back, dear Bloggees...

While I realize from all of the phone calls and e-mails I received asking where I've been (0) that no explanation is necessary, I have gratuitously composed a menu of excuses for my long absence (save for a couple of birthday blogs, of course):

1. Income Taxes were due on April 15 this year! I don't know why they keep changing the date; they catch me unprepared every year! Then, when I finally realize there's a deadline looming, I have to devote a couple weeks to dancing around those piles of paperwork stashed here and there about the house. Believe me -- During that time I have little energy for anything else -- including blogging!

2. My [percieved] health issues...I've been so preoccupied with worrying about the recent return of my Smurf fingers that I haven't really felt like trying to come up with something whimsical to blog about. (And a blog of a serious nature would have just made me feel worse.) But good news...I saw my wonderful, loveable Dr. Pulmonologist last week, and I will soon bring you all up to date with a Somewhat Positive Doctor Blog!

3. Easter happened. There were eggs to color, dresses to sew, candy to hide, flowers to plant (?), rooms to clean, Christmas decorations to be replaced with the Easter version, food to prepare (I know, not by me -- but still!) Just general seasonal busyness, I guess.

4. My job. Hey, I'm working anywhere from 6 to 10 hours a week now, for gracious sakes alive! You can just imagine how that demanding schedule eats into my blogging time!

5. Facebook. I'm not complaining, of course -- I love facebook. I'm just saying that sometimes, although I may have intended to just log on to change my status or something, one thing leads to another in a veritable circus of delights for a person with ADD such as myself!

Well now, that's what I'm talking about...It's time for me to leave you once again so I can travel across town to My Wonderful Fabric Store, with nary a moment to spare. (Hence, no new picture for this post! Sorry. I'll try to do better next time!)

4/20 -- If Today Was your Birthday...

Taylor and Jordyn Gottlieb, 11/13/02 (by Greg Fischer)

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...If today was your birthday (and I say was because in only a few more hours, it won't be anymore), you are the father of two of the most amazing little girls I have ever known!

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...If today was your birthday, your family more or less became our family when I started taking care of Taylor. She said it, and I've quoted her before..."We are family, because we're used to each other!"

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...If today was your birthday, I hope you won your ball game!

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...If today was your birthday, I know that Jordyn thinks you're a pretty special guy, as evidenced by the time and effort she put into your card and presents, and her excitement for you to see them!

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...If today was your birthday, I know that maybe this past year hasn't been the best. I hope the next one will be better...

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...If today was your birthday, I know that you know where to start when you count your blessings...and I thank you for sharing those blessings with us!

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...If today was your birthday, I hope there were lots of good things to celebrate!

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Here's wishing you a very

Happy Birthday, Jason!

4/20 -- If Yesterday was Your Birthday...

Mary Engelbreit Style Flowers by Kate, 4/19/09

...If yesterday was your birthday, I'm sure you don't mind that your birthday blog is a day late, since you won't see it until we get together next Saturday anyway. (But even if you did mind, you would be so gracious about it that I'd never have a clue!)

...If yesterday was your birthday, you are one of the beautiful women I look forward to spending time with (hopefully) once a month when our Intimate Book Group gathers to share conversation about books we've read (or hope to read), our families, our comings and goings and any other topic that happens to pop up. (And of course those wonderful snacks!)

...If yesterday was your birthday, you are surely an inspiration to more people than you probably realize! It seems that no matter what kind of a day it may be, or whatever troubles may be pestering you, you remain your cheerful, positive self.

...If yesterday was your birthday, I am amazed at how modest you are in light of your accomplishments! (And further amazed that this birthday was your 96th! You prove that age really is no more than a number!)

...If yesterday was your birthday, I am so grateful that you joined our group so many years ago. (I can't remember exactly how many, but I bet you do!) Even though your eyesight no longer allows you to read as you used to, you have such a wealth of accumulated knowledge about books and authors, and such an obvious joy in sharing it...As I said, I am grateful!

...If yesterday was your birthday, you're hearing all of this almost a week after your special day. Thank goodness that it's never too late to celebrate a friendship -- and that you can't celebrate one too often! So Happy Birthday, Mary Elizabeth! I hope your 96th birthday was wonderful, and that our little group will have many more monthly (more or less) Celebrations of Friendship!

4/2 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

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Alison and Dawn, Bahamas, June 2004 (by Kate Fischer)

...If today is your birthday, you are a neice with whom I really haven't spent very much time -- especially in recent years, when your pursuit of higher learning took you first to Virgina and then to Australia!

...Oh, if today is your birthday, I guess we actually did have an entire week of cruise time together, as evidenced by this really awesome photo I took of you and your mom . Of course you were so drunk that entire time, you probably have only the vaguest of memories...Okay, of course I'm kidding about that; but still -- It was a cruise!

...If today is your birthday, I really would love to spend some extended quality time with you so I could pick your brain about your costume-designing, your jewelry-making, books you've read, movies you've seen, interesting people you met and exciting adventures you had Down Under...Well, maybe some day -- like when you come to visit me in the nursing home. (You will visit me, won't you?)

...Oh, wait -- If today is your birthday, I just thought of one very awesome memory I have...It was another family trip, when you were about six or seven. It was Topsail Beach...Now you know what I'm going to say, don't you?...

...You and Dj had decided to just take off up in the beach, holding the hems of your nightshirts in your hands so they would contain the bagel crumbs you had so painstakingly crafted in order to feed the seagulls. (Or were you planning to leave a trail? I can't remember, but that's not important.) You couldn't have been gone very long before someone -- probably and adult -- said, "Where are Ali and Dj?" And since no one knew, we let our imaginations run wild. Or maybe that was just me. Whatever...This memory ended up being a happy one! We split up in opposite directions, and it was Aunt Deb who finally caught up with the two of you a mile away (the pier), just turning around to head back. I guess I was just so relieved I can't even remember if the two of you were reprimanded or not. (No need to worry now, though; the statute of limitations ran out on that one a long time ago!)

...If today is your birthday, you're about to embark on an another exciting chapter in your quest for knowledge, this time in Savannah. I love Savannah. And I love you. Maybe we'll manage a visit some day!

...If today is your birthday, I hope it is as bright and wonderful as you are!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ALI!

WE LOVE YOU!

4/1 -- If Today is Your Birthday...

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Front: Karen Karlek, Sally Johnson; Back: Chris Johnson, "Kathy" Karlek, Beverly Karlek

(circa 1957?)

...If today is your birthday, you are the second sister Mom and Dad gave me. (I shouldn't have acted so happy about that first one!)

(...If today is your birthday, I hope you and Bev both know I'm kidding about that...All of my sisters are among my greatest treasures, and I hate to even think about what my life would be without you!)

...If today is your birthday, then it's also your husband's birthday. Oh yeah -- plus, it's April Fool's Day, too. Isn't that kind of weird...I mean that the two of you were born as practical jokes to your families, and then later found and married each other and embarked upon a long and prosperous marriage, pretty much ignoring the fact that you were both born on April Fool's Day? Do you know what some people would have done with that lot?!!! (Can you say "Clown Family?")

...If today is your birthday, this is probably redundant, because I know I've said it before, but you truly are one of the most awesomely talented people I know. Your eye for beauty and your patience in nurturing seeds of creativity are surpassed only by your generosity in sharing your gifts!

...If today is your birthday, I know that as sisters we've shared lots of jokes about getting old (because let's face it -- that's funny stuff!) But the truth is, we both know we're special, and that that's never going to happen to us, right?

...If today is your birthday, I hope that at least for today -- and why not for a whole bunch of tomorrows, too? -- you're feeling young and beautiful and energetic and passionate and happy, and that your cake will be the kind that subtracts calories instead of adding them!

...If today is your birthday, I love you, MySister, and wish I could be there to celebrate with you!

...If today is your birthday, give your Awesome Husband Dave a big birthday hug from me, too, and tell him he's included in all the good wishes I'm sending your way!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY,

KAREN AND DAVE!

WE'RE WISHING YOU BOTH

THE BEST DAY POSSIBLE!