Sunday, March 19, 2017

Lungs: An Update


This beautiful picture was my daughter's way of gifting me with new lungs for Christmas.

Even though there are still some details to be worked out, some tests to be taken, things to do, people to see...in other words, even though nothing is yet written in ink, this feels like a good day for me to write about what's going on with the lungs I have, and the hope that I have of replacing one of them, soon.

Since my week-long evaluation at Duke in January, where I was deemed a "reasonable candidate" for a single lung transplant, I have been moving steadily towards being officially placed on the list. At first it was difficult to accept that reality. Part of me had been hoping that there would be some reason I couldn't be accepted, releasing me from the responsibility of making what felt like an impossible decision. I had read enough--including patients' success stories--to be convinced that life after transplant was not necessarily a life I wanted. It certainly wouldn't be the life I have now, the one that I love so much.

When I heard the news that I was in the running, I felt no sense of elation. The only peace I got was when I imagined myself saying "No thank you. I have decided to stick with the lungs I have." I thought that was a sign that I should just accept whatever time I have left, and make the best of it. I wouldn't change much. I'd try to be nicer, get the taxes done, clean the house. Other than that, I'm pretty happy with the way things are.

Now I see that I was wrong. I've learned a lot in the last couple of months. I have been going to Duke five days a week for Pulmonary Rehab. That's exercise. I have always loved exercising, even though I have slacked off drastically over the last several years. Exercise has always made me feel strong--that I have some control over my life. At rehab, I now accomplish in a day what I had been doing in a week. I am starting to feel invincible again--almost.

The program at Duke includes education about all things transplant-related. No matter how horrifying something may seem (i.e., feeding tubes, diabetes and tremors), if you hear it explained clearly and calmly as if it's just another one of those things people have to deal with, it starts to feel normal. Knowing that everyone in the room with you has the same fears and is facing the same difficulties helps you to know that you can do this. Knowing that your are in the hands of the very best is priceless.

I remember reading somewhere that it's not the chances we take that we regret, but rather, the ones we don't take. I realize that if I don't take this chance, I won't be here to regret anything. Guided imagery has helped me to realize how important a part the mind plays in what happens to the body. And remembering that everything is in God's hands, that he will direct the outcome, gives me great comfort.

As I write this, I feel good, at peace. I feel like I have prepared for this journey. I realize it is not a journey that I could ever make by myself, but I am blessed with so much love and support in my life, I know I will never run out. I have already received more acts of kindness than I can properly express thanks for.

I just wanted to give you an idea of where I am. I am ready for whatever is coming my way.


11 comments:

Kathy said...

You are as beautiful as you are brave. Post lung you will have a new normal. It won't be this normal, but you I'll get comfortable and establish a new norm. That takes time and adjustment too. You can do this. Whatever decision you make when the time comes, it will be your decision and the right one or you. Love you Kate.

Unknown said...

Thank you so much, Kathy--I believe you.

Shadows Thoughts on Stuff said...

I read this and tear. I have know you only a little while but so do enjoy your being around. Gotten to know you so much better through Write On. what will be will be and we have so little to do with it. we make choices and hope for the best.
I will put my 2cents in, I want to remain your friend and for you to continue to write, live and prosper, what ever route that takes. we are all here for such a short time and we all have a role to play in the process. your role is to continue to be strong and to thrive.
John

richard chisholm said...

Very good, Kate. sounds a lot like our last conversation. I am glad you have made a decision, and I love the decision you have made. You are such a strong woman, have such a wonderful family, and so much to live for. You already know my prayers are there for you. I 'Will' see you and Greg at the 50th in just a few more years. I've got a big hug waiting for you!
Love you, girl! Stay strong.

Cindy Ricksgers said...

I love you, Kate. I hate that you have all this nonsense to work through. I wish your life were an easier one. Still, your strength, sense of humor, faith and practicality are amazing to me. I know you handle this burden better than I or many others could. I continue to wish for all the best for you.

kate lillie said...

I'm sure that you will rely heavily on your faith, your family and your friends. You are loved by so many of us and we are all in your corner praying and cheering you on. I love you Kate, now more than ever. <3

Unknown said...

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement, and for your friendship, John. I'm looking forward to many more years of being friends!

Unknown said...

Thanks, Rick--I'll be looking forward to collecting that hug!

Unknown said...

Thank you, Cindy. But up to now, my life has been easy. It's time for me to be tested. I just keep trying to picture myself as being strong and able to meet whatever challenges I may be facing. Like you, in other words!

Unknown said...

Thank you so much, Kate. I am so thankful for all that love and support, for the prayers. I know how blessed I have been. It makes me want to be strong and brave. And I love you, too!

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