One of Those Days

I don't know what made today different. I'd started getting the calls yesterday--the ones from Sterling, Virginia, telling me that my Apple security had possibly been breached through my cloud account, blah-blah-blah. Several identical messages were left on our answering machine. After the third call today, I decided to return the call from my cell phone. When the helpful guy with the accent asked what he could do for me, I reminded him that he had called me. He said "On this number?" rattling off my mobile number. "No," I said. "On my land line."

When he asked me what that number was, for some reason, I snapped.

I said, "I'm not going to tell you what that number is, but if you don't stop calling it, I'm going to hurt you! And don't you dare call me on this number! I swear to God, if you do, I'll track you down and hurt you! Now leave me the fuck alone!"

Yes, those were my actual words. I have no idea where they came from. They just squeaked out in the croaky, broken voice that I'm stuck with now.

Then, to keep myself from thinking that I might be crazy, I started obsessing about how mean I'd been. The poor guy was just doing his job. I didn't know what set of circumstances had put him in his position, but I was pretty sure that "Scam Artist" hadn't been his first career choice. I really could have been nicer...

I called back during the next commercial break.

It sounded like the same voice, but I played along, explaining that I'd just spoken with someone, and had been very rude, and I would like to apologize. He asked me if I knew the name of the person I'd spoken with. I didn't, so he asked for my name, saying he would see what he could find out and call me back. I told him I didn't want to give him my name, but I would like to know what he was doing. He explained that my Apple account might have been breached. When I told him I didn't have an Apple phone, he said, "Well, Ma'am, you should just forget about it then. That's what you need to do. Just forget about it."

But I couldn't. When I got the next call from Sterling, Virginia, I picked up the phone and pressed One to be transferred to Tech Support. And there was my friend again. He told me my Apple account had been breached, and did I have a computer or laptop? He wanted to know if I knew how to connect my phone to my computer. I told him I didn't have an iPhone, but that my husband did. He said I should have my husband call him when he got home. He said he should ask for Victor. (Aha--I had a name now!) I told him I would do that--have my husband call--knowing that would never happen.

Within a half-hour, Sterling VA was calling again. I picked up and was transferred again--to Victor. Once more, we ran through our lines...how can I help...you called me...security breach...This time I asked if I could have his name. At first he hesitated, then told me it was Victor. He asked my name, so I told him Kate. That's when it got weird--er.

"How old are you, Kate?"

Getting bored, I said "18," thinking What the hell?!! Does this dude not recognize my voice by now?

"You're 18? Do you have a boyfriend?

Okay. This was kind of fun.

"No. I don't."

"Can I be your boyfriend?"

"I don't think so. Where do you live?"

Again, the hesitation. Then "Cupertino, California."

"Wow." By now, I was sorry I didn't have an iPhone so I could hit Record or something.

He asked for a number where he could call me, and I acted coy. I told him I'd call him. He said I couldn't use the number I had, because someone else might answer, but he wanted my facebook identity so he could friend request me.

Ha! I was almost tempted to give it to him--not!

Anyway, I think he was starting to get suspicious, because when I asked for his, he said, "RV. That's all. RV."

Like I said, just one of those days. Gotta go now...Sterling, Virginia is calling...again.