The Butterfly Connection

"Blue Butterfly," August, 2009, Kate's LRDC

Please use your imagaination on this one...i.e., imagine that you are listening to a beautiful symphony, or Jeff Buckley's "Hallelujah" (my preference), if you will, as you watch the beautiful butterfly lift and lower its wings. Because if I were more techno-savvy, I would be able to figure out how to have that happen for you. Then you wouldn't have to listen to the cars passing by in front of the house as you watch my little video clip. (Yes, I will accept applause and other accolades for figuring out how to upload the video...but I must share credit for that with my talented fellow-blogger, Liz Abruzzo (http://humaneegoist.blogspot.com)...I remembered, Liz!)

Now, on to the blog...

Today (February 25) marks the ninth anniversary of the day my mother died. It was winter then, as it is now. Girl Scout cookies had just been delivered, same as this year. It was a cold, rainy day, brightened only slightly by the cookies, just like many days we've recently had. But late that Sunday afternoon, as our family headed to the hospital after receiving word that Mom had died (It was my beautiful Meagan who called us...She was the one Grandma chose to share her special moment with), the sun broke through and began working on our broken hearts...

Of course we haven't stopped missing Mom, haven't stopped thinking of her, hearing her voice or her laugh at least once a day. We cry less now, although that does still happen. Time has made it easier, as they say. It doesn't lessen the missing part -- It's just that the muscles that you use for missing get stronger, and less tender, I guess.

Somehow we got through the rest of that winter.

I remember playing tennis with some friends on one of the first beautiful spring days we had in April. The sun was so warm and the air so clean. I remember consciously thinking, I feel good!, surprising myself by doing so.

I don't remember anything about the tennis; it would probably be fair to say I was not a "winner." But still, I felt good! As I was getting into my car, one of my friends walked over to me and said, "Kate, I don't know what it is, but I have to tell you...when I look at you, I see you surrounded by butterflies!"

I got a lump in my throat, knowing it had something to do with Mom. I called Donna when I got home to tell her that my mom had recently died, and I felt that the butterflies she saw must somehow be connected to the good feeling I had had on the courts. She reminded me then that butterflies are a spiritual medium...

Ever since that day, whenever I see a butterfly, I know my mom sent it.

That is why I was so pleased to be able to capture this one with my Little Red Digital Camera last summer. I wanted to share it. I wish I could also share some beautiful music...

My Lost Weekend

"The Lost Weekend," 2/8/10 (Kate, MSN Paint)

Being sick is no fun. I know I really shouldn't complain, because except for this past weekend, I can't even remember the last time I was sick -- In spite of working with the public, in spite of having "compromised" lungs, and in spite of not getting a flu shot this year. So maybe I'm just being a big baby. But still...

Oh sure, I've had all the usual issues associated with inhaling toxic quantities of dust (and God knows what else) in My Very Own Fabric Store. Those I can deal with. That's why, when I came home from work on Saturday feeling like I'd been run over by a delivery truck, I just thought Oh, well, a couple hours of breathing uncontaminated air, and I'll be fine. And I went merrily along with My Awesome Husband Greg to play Wii Bowling with our friends.

And I did ok -- for some reason, I did much better throwing the "ball" under my leg or swinging it around my head a couple of times before releasing it -- for two games. Then I realized that my throat was hurting, I was shivering, and even my teeth felt bruised. I knew I was more than "overly tired."

By the time MAHG (who really is awesome, because he was having a fantastic time "bowling," yet he complained not at all about having to leave the party) got me home, I wasn't interested in washing my face or brushing my teeth. I managed to change into pajamas, because let's face it -- blue jeans do not make good sleepwear -- and climbed under the covers, having MAHG add a couple more for good measure. And I slept.

At some point Sunday morning I left my bed and found my way to the living room chair and a different pile of blankets. But that's all that changed. I stayed in that chair, in my pajamas, for the entire day. (MAHG, of course, brought me juice, water and acetaminophen, because that just how he is.)

And then I got up and went to bed again. And slept.

Today, I'm still a little feverish, but I did get up. I took a shower, washed my hair, and put on a clean pair of jeans. And some makeup. I did some laundry, and I did some office work for MAHG. (I figured I owed him at least that!) I still feel kind of lousy, and I'm still dosing myself with Tylenol, but I hope by tomorrow this will just be a memory.

Well, of course it won't be...I never remember when I'm sick. That's why it hits me so hard when it happens. But you know what I'm saying, right?