Why I Will Never Make you a Tutu...

"Sparkling Tutu," 5/17/09, by Kate (MSN Paint and www.glitterfly.com)

...Besides the fact that you are not a ballerina, I mean...

No, the real reason I will never make you a tutu is that after two full months of working in My Very Own Fabric Store, I have finally come across something that I do not enjoy about that job, and it is something that involves tulle! (You know -- that light but scratchy net-like fabric that is used in the making of tutus?)

Oh, it's not the tulle itself that I dislike; in fact, I rather enjoy seeing that rainbow array of bolts on display in "Special Occasion" fabrics. My mother even made me a tutu once, when I was about five years old. I wish I still had that tutu -- It had little red rosebuds on it, and was ever so beautiful! I do remember going a little nuts, though, about all that scratching around my tummy. If I ever wear another tutu, I'll be sure that my underpants come up to my ribcage. And of course someone else will have to make it. But I digress...

My most recent encounter with tulle was definitely not the stuff of fond reminiscenses. There was no itching involved, but I must confess to some bitching (strictly the under-my-breath kind, of course)!

You see, one day when I was not working in MVOFS, a Very Nice Customer came in and purchased some fabric for a Special Occasion. Three different fabrics, in fact, all in the same lovely shade of ivory -- including eight yards of tulle. Alas, the person for whom the Occasion was Special apparently had something else in mind, so our still Very Nice Customer had to return all that lovely fabric to MVOFS.

Of course it's always disappointing to have our beautiful fabrics returned, but it happens -- so frequently, in fact, that I have become quite proficient at the "Do A Return" transaction. I was, as I say, disappointed, but barely put out at all. (Which means that I did not begin bitching until after the Very Nice Customer had left the store, and I took it upon myself to match the SKU numbers to the bolts of fabric in "Special Occasions" -- thinking to myself, Good job, Kate -- you'll surely get a special thanks for this!)

Unfortunately, right about then, a huge bus (or boat or plane or something -- I never saw what, because I was so absorbed into trying to find those SKU numbers) pulled up (or docked or landed -- whatever) and unloaded what must have been hundreds of eager -- but very nice -- customers, who all came rushing into MVOFS clutching their coupons and items they needed to match. And oh, the questions they had! (Some good, and some kind of dumb, if I'm being honest; but I don't judge.)



Two hours later (one hour past the time I was supposed to have clocked out and 15 minutes before I had to be on the other side of town to pick My Precious Jordyn up from school), MVOFS was still packed with needy customers, and that eight yards of ivory tulle was rolled into a loose ball that resembled a gigantic hair ball or a tumbleweed or something rolling across the cutting table! I was torn: I really needed to get out of there, but I felt that I had to do something about all that tulle!



Well, I did something, but I'm not proud of the result, ok? In fact, I'm rather dreading having to hear what my Associates -- and, ahem, Manager -- thought about my handiwork the next time I go in...



Have you ever tried to fold eight yards of any fabric in half the long way all by yourself? It's never easy. But when the fabric you're folding is stiff and weightless -- and scratchy -- it simply cannot be done! Nevertheless, I wrestled that stuff onto a big cardboard roll -- the kind used for "Home Decor" fabrics -- and left it lying unobtrusively (I hope) at the far end of the cutting table.

I have met my nemesis, and it's name is Tulle. So please do not ever ask me to make you a tutu, OK?!