You're Invited to a Party...

(Kate circa 1955)
...A pity party, that is!

You're all welcome, but come early -- the fun won't last very long! (I promise it won't.)

What's the occasion?

Why, today was the day I got the results of the lung biopsy I had a week ago.

It's funny, but I really thought I was prepared to hear "The Worst." There was all that research I had done; all those jokes I had prepared so I would think I was taking it lightly...But in spite of all that, when I heard what Dr. Pulmonologist had to say today, I actually started breathing like a harmonica -- you know, like Jack Black (Tenacious D) doing his "inward singing" -- right there in his office. (I could almost hear him thinking, "Geez -- If that's how you act when you get upset, no wonder you have scar tissue on your lungs!")

Mind you, it wasn't the diagnosis -- sarcoidosis -- which made me react so theatrically; I was prepared for that. No. It seems that The Worst which I had been planning to hear was that I would need to adapt all of my physically strenuous activities -- most specifically, clogging -- to accommodate a canister full of oxygen. (Hell, I'd even invented the Oxy-Bra!)

Well, oxygen is off the table for now. So is clogging. And jogging. Walking. Mountain climbing. Skiing. Ice Skating. Gymnastics. (Ok, ok -- I take back everything after walking. But this is my pity party!)

So you're probably wondering what I am allowed to do instead? Well, I get to take Prednisone! (Picture that word with blood-dripping fangs and very sharp claws, please. Rational or not, that's how scary it is to me!) I am not going to list the potential side-effects of Prednisone here, nor am I personally going to get on the Internet to reapprise myself of them. If I were to do that, I most likely would end up having 70 percent of them! (You, of course, are welcome to do your own research; however, please refrain from sharing your findings with me!)

Well, this is where my party starts winding down...I may only have to take the wicked, scary drug for a few months. Dr. Pulmonologist feels that I should start feeling some worthwhile results (i.e., the ability to draw a full breath without gasping) within as little as a month. He'll be monitoring everything, of course, and he assures me I can call him whenever I want to. And before we left his office, he looked me right in the eye and told me "We can totally handle this." And I still trust him.

Ok y'all. Party's over. Time to go now...