I Found It!

Figures from a Nativity set which I believe has been in my dad's family since he was a child. (Photographed by Greg 12/20/08)

I had it, but then I lost some of the peaces. Well, maybe I never really had all of the peaces, but this Advent season I think I've had more of them than I ever have in the past...

For one, this year I had the peace of solitude -- at least a little bit every day. It's hard to find that peace when you have a house full of pre-schoolers. As many gifts as they bring, they seldom come bearing peace!

This year I also had the peace of reflection, which I think you can only have if you have the peace of solitude first. I was grateful for both peaces. And I was able to experience, for at least a short time, the peace of knowing where that elusive -- but, oh, so important -- quiet place is located inside of me.

Yes, I really liked having all of those peaces for a while. But then I started to lose them...

The first peace I lost was peace of mind. It was replaced by a bunch of hungry monkeys in a banana tree. (That's more or less a quote from Henri Nouwen.) Then I lost the peace of knowing that everything would be done -- at least the things that God wanted done -- if I would just stay calm and let Him guide me. Instead, I had a gnawing sense of anxiousness that Christmas would be here, and I'd be there, still searching for one more gift.

The peace of joy that comes with giving to others was overshadowed by worries about what we would live on after Christmas. (And we all know that worry alone can obscure a lot of peaces!) One by one, my peaces were being misplaced and re-placed by things that I didn't want to claim!

Then, this morning, I found a peace of time to go to Mass. Guess what...As soon as I entered the church and saw the altar being decorated for the Christmas Eve services tomorrow, I felt all of those peaces return!

It was wonderful...The first peace I found was the peace of being a part of something much larger than myself. After that, all of the other peaces just sort of magically appeared, exactly where they were supposed to be. And I've managed to hold on to them all day, even though I sometimes had to fight to do so!

Ok. Of course I realize I couldn't have held onto them all by myself -- God did that for me! But I think that's the best peace of all -- the peace of letting God. The peace of remembering..."Be still and know that I am."

Thank you, God, for helping me to find the peaces again. Please continue to help me hold on!