Can we talk?
Not really. Well, you can talk. I'll just sit quietly and listen...
Like hell I will! That would be like me sitting and watching you dance, when I can't anymore. Not gonna happen.
Because, even though I really can't talk anymore, I can't stop trying. I'm not sure what's going on with my vocal cords, but it's apparently connected to my lungs. At least that's what they told me last year, when I began having occasional choking incidents. I was sent for speech therapy and given some exercises, blah-blah-blah. I've already blogged about that.
So now my voice is in the going-going stage of being gone. A mere rasp in the morning becomes barely a squeak by the time Awesome Greg gets home from work. Unless I'm right in front of him, using hand gestures and exaggerated lip action, he can't hear me. He can tell I'm saying something, but it doesn't sound like words. At first, if he's had a good day, he might say something like "What's that? I couldn't hear you." But after three or four attempts at being nice, he just snarls "Wha-a-a-t?!!" in an annoyed--and annoying--manner. I understand, but sometimes it makes me want to yell back at him--which is no longer effective.
My friends have been kinder, but they don't have to spend as much time with me.
I did bring the matter to the attention of the transplant doctor a couple weeks ago. He said it could be acid reflux, and prescribed Prilosec. His dismissal made me feel like my voice was outside his realm of interest. I'm almost done with my prescription, but nothing's changed. I had no other symptoms of acid reflux anyway. I'll be going back to Duke in a month for a complete evaluation of everything before I'm actually placed on the transplant list. I know I'm going to have to drink barium. I hope there's a good reason for that.
Meanwhile, if you need me, text, don't call.
3 comments:
Barium is NOT the worst thing in the world to drink.....the fizzies they give you might be. Try not to burp!
Sounds awful! And like the basis of a dozen tasteless jokes that would begin with "My wife is the best wife in the world because..." Hell, if I couldn't speak, even I might still be married! I am kind of without a voice today, simply because of a head cold, and I am frustrated already! You're stronger than I am, Kate!
Thanks, Cindy! I actually tried to think of away to use one of those tasteless jokes in my blog. Geg might feel that way if I'd actually stop trying to talk--which is why I won't.
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