Mission Improbable

Good morning, Kate. Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to get your house clean and ready for company on Thursday, which as you know, is Thanksgiving Day.

What?! That's impossible, and you know it! I've been threatening to get this house clean for ten years now, and it hasn't happened yet. What makes you think I can get that mission accomplished in five days?!

Look, I didn't come here to argue with you. I'm simply offering you a challenge--accept it or not.

Now you look! I never accept anything without arguing. You must have a reason for coming to me today with this preposterous offer. Convince me.

Convince you? Okay. How's this...You have five days before the official beginning of the Holiday Season. Believe it or not, some people are using today to haul out the Christmas decorations. I'm not asking you to do that. I'm just suggesting that you might want pull up those bootstraps, get out of your chair and wave a dust rag around for a bit. Thanksgiving is happening, and there's nothing you can do about it. But if you choose not to accept my mission, you will have people coming into your house, bringing food and fun and feelings of good will toward wine one another. Do you want them to have to wipe cobwebs off the stove before they can heat up their offerings? To watch them pry dishes from the guck inside your refrigerator to make room for their veggie trays and dessert toppings? And although they'll probably be too polite to say anything, you'll know why they're sneezing and coughing--no one's lungs are equipped to deal with that much dust in one day...How am I doing?

Okay. I'm trying to keep an open mind. Would this mission include cleaning the bathrooms?

I never said you couldn't delegate. Isn't that why you have an Awesome Husband Greg?

Hmmm. Can we say that I accept your mission with conditions--reluctantly? Like I'll try to get some stuff done if Awesome Greg is watching me. And I get to drink enough wine to make me forget how far behind I'm falling on my Netflix shows. How about if I just do the dusting and light moving--like CD's and books and stuff--and Awesome can do anything that involves using soap and water and heavy equipment--like vacuum cleaners?

You mean like Mission Possible, But Not Very Probable?

Yeah, like that.

Okay. I guess I can work with that. But remember...As always, should you or any member of your force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions. This tape will self-destruct in five seconds. Good luck, Kate.