Hazards in the Workplace

Twirly Skirt Hazard by Kate, 4/23/09 (MSN Paint)

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Of course we all make mistakes. We don't all readily own up to them, but we all make them.

Personally, I enjoy telling everyone about my mistakes. (And by "everyone," I mean Everyone -- the checkout girl in the grocery store, the guy behind me in line, the person sitting next to me in the theater, the little kid strapped into a carseat behind me, my Awesome Husband Greg (no matter what he's watching on tv), my Dazzling Daughter Meagan when I can catch her on her cell phone on her way home from work, people on my Contacts list and anyone who happens to read this blog. For instance...

Do you remember the day I wore my cowboy boots to work, stepped in a little puddle in the restroom and then skated across the breakroom floor, kicking those boots up behind me and landing prone on the floor -- after smacking my face on the corner of a table? (12/24/08, Some More Words About Work-Appropriate Footwear)? Well, as embarrassing as that incident was, I felt I had a responsibility to share it, so that I might prevent others from putting themselves in harm's way as I had. (Previously, it had been a little known fact that wet cowboy boots are a very serious hazard in the workplace. But now, thanks to my need to point out my klutziness before anyone else can, Everyone knows it.)





Well, yesterday I discovered another wardrobe-related workplace hazard...the Twirly Skirt.





It sounds harmless, I know. But if you have one in your closet, I hope you will limit its appearances to places that involve standing or sitting perfectly still (i.e., church), or places where there will be a lot of drunken revelry and actual twirling (i.e., parties).

If you choose to wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you do so at your own risk. You should, therefore, know what you are risking...



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk getting a reputation as a person who musn't be taken seriously. (Just try walking all the way from the front to the back of the store in a Twirly Skirt without skipping!)



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk getting so caught up in the fantasy that you are some kind of a princess or something that you will have difficulty concentrating on what people are saying, causing you to frequently respond "huh?" This tends to leave customers feeling dissatisfied, and managers feeling irate.



If you wear a Twirly Skirt to work, you risk imagining that you have a level of gracefulness far beyond that which you can actually claim. I can't explain this, but trust me -- it happens. And when it does, it can leave you with a heady disregard for caution. You become reckless about watching your step, you ignore spatial relationships and scoff at miscellaneous objects which may suddenly lurch into your path.


And most importantly...

No matter how cute and perky you think you look, if you wear a Twirly Skirt to work and any or all of the above should occur, you risk invoking the pity of the nice man who saw you rip your skirt on the 30% off sign as you were leading him to the "cheap" lining fabrics. And you will not be able to convince yourself that, when he returns to the store the next day with two women, that he's not hoping for a repeat performance. These are women who wear dresses to the floor and cover their heads with fabric; you know they want to see for themselves what happens when you wear a Twirly Skirt to work!



Well, there you have it. I have learned from my experiences, and you have been warned: No Cowboy Boots or Twirly Skirts at My Very Own Fabric Store. Sigh. (But they do look so cute together.)