My Dad, Lake Shannon, MI, Summer 2005, by Karen BransonA few weeks ago, I posted a "guest blog" from a collection of readings for Advent. Today, exactly one year since my Dad died, I am going to include another brief quote from that same book ("Watch for the Light...").
This one is from John Donne, and in the book, it is the reading for January 3. Last year, January 4 was on a Friday -- the First Friday of the month. There is a Catholic devotion of receiving Holy Communion on First Friday. Attending daily Mass and receiving Communion was something my Dad did regularly, along with his wife, Betty. They had both attended Mass on that Friday morning, and then joined friends in walking around the indoor track that was part of the church property. Immediately upon finishing his walk, as he stopped to stretch, God simply took my father to be with Him. There's no other way I can describe it, and I find comfort and validation in Donne's words...
"Who can fear the darkness of death that has had the light of this world and of the next too? Who can fear death this night that has had the Lord of life in his hand today?...This then is truly to depart in peace by the Gospel of peace to the God of peace."
I miss my dad so much. I will never forget how it felt to hear my sister say the words over the phone a year ago -- "Dad died." I immediately dropped to my knees, sobbing. But just as immediately, I knew that he was with me -- closer than he'd ever been before. When he died, his reality moved from the outside to the inside, where it remains. It's easier to talk to him now, and easier to hear him, too. I still cry often, but I can only feel joy when I realize that Dad truly was not afraid of dying because of the nature of his friendship with Jesus. He was more afraid of what he would have to lose if he stayed in this life. I don't think he ever had any doubt that he would gain everything when he moved on to the next life.
Not that he didn't love his life here! He was always able to find the joy and relish the moment -- again, his relationship with Jesus. I can honestly say that my dad, although far from perfect (God bless him!), modeled for us a life lived with Heaven as its goal. And it feels good to know that he's achieved it.
Thanks to the talent and generosity of my sister, Karen, and my sister-in-law, Kris, there are about 3 million photographs of my dad that have been taken over the years -- including the ones from his childhood have been carefully preserved. I can see his face any time I desire, thanks to a wonderful collection of scrapbooks and the slideshow that they prepared for his funeral. So of course I always have an image of him on my heart...
I remember that shortly after we'd returned home from his funeral, I received a very clear image of Dad landing on his butt right outside Heaven's Gate. He realized where he was, of course, but was not quite sure how he'd arrived. Naturally he was pleased -- make that thrilled -- yet he was concerned about us. Dad was never good at making decisions. I know he would never intentionally second-guess God's plan, but if given a choice in the matter, I'm sure he probably would have said something like, "Well, yeah -- sure I wanna go! But what about those guys? Can I just go back and let 'em know it's time?"
Dad at Hasselbad, TN, Autumn 2001, by Karen Branson
That's ok, Dad. We know. We'll always miss you. We're still finding new ways to recognize what a truly wonderful Dad you were. We have so many memories to treaure. And we still have you in our hearts -- forever.
Happy Anniversary. Give Mom our love.
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