I was recently reminded of this picture when my daughter shared her memory of "The Night My Mom Gave Me a Fat Lip While Swing Dancing." It happened in 1999. We were learning, and I must have missed something, because somehow my elbow connected with her lip, and all of a sudden, the party was over. Even though I begged her not to cry, one look at her poor battered mouth and I knew I wasn't going to be swinging her around the dance floor anymore that night. All I could do was go home and preserve the memory by making it into a cartoon. But I digress. This is really about my goals for after my lung transplant...which may or may not include further swing dancing lessons...
I want to dance without oxygen,
To breathe without thinking.
I want to fill my lungs with the air around me
And hold it in as long as I can.
I want to run, carrying only my own weight,
To synch my breaths with my footfalls on the pavement.
I want to say my words as loudly or as softly as I choose,
Without coughing and choking on them.
I want to walk through my house, unencumbered by breathing tubes,
And not get tangled up in the furniture.
I want to climb all the stairs without stopping to rest,
And to walk past beds and chairs without feeling an urge to recline.
I want to clean my house--all of it--and consider it a day's work,
Rather than a lick and a promise that I know will never be fulfilled.
I want to say "Yes, let's go!"
And not think about how much oxygen I will need.
I want to open the door and step outside,
And not be yanked back by a tube in my nose.
One goal, one wish, one expectation.
If I can have this, it will be worth everything else that comes with it.
I am ready for my new life,
Whatever it may be.
4 comments:
You have the wish and the desire to see this thing through. You have the dream to do things you did before as you once did them. You have a family, friends and Doctors who will help you over the first obstacle. They will also support you, encourage you and yes, in some cases, push you to achieve, on the other side of that obstacle.
I am proud to be one of those friends and I will do anything I can to help you achieve your wishes and dreams. Just let me know what I can do. I only wish I were closer so I could help more.
You are most fortunate to have an Awesome Husband. Though we really haven't 'known' each other for the last 47 years, I can see that the two of you have a special relationship that is enduring. I'm sure that it is with Greg's help you have made it this far.
You are strong, and have a strong will. You have much to look forward to. With your support group and God leading the way, We will all see you through this adventure.
Rick, your words mean so much to me. Thank you. I am surprised when people say I'm strong, because I don't feel that I am. But I know that I have been extremely blessed to have Awesome Greg and my kids and so many other people who love and support--and help--me. I was told that this is a decision that I have to make for me, no one else. But that is just not true. The only way a person could make any kind of decision solely for himself would be if he has no connection to any other person. I am happy to say that I have a lot of people to make this decision for, and I feel in my heart that I've made the right one. It's in God's hands now, and he sure has sent a lot of people to help me along the way. I am humbled and grateful.
I am at a loss for words, which for me is a real thing. I read this this morning sitting on my deck with coffee and watching the sunrise. My heart is saddened each time I breathe thinking about how hard it is for you I sent you strength I sent you peace.
Thank you, John --I got 'em. I know, because I feel pretty happy. You just keep on breathing, my friend! This is all going to work out. <3
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