This was shared on facebook by my friend, Cindy. I know nothing about numerology, but it makes perfect sense to me that 2016 should be a number (9) which signifies endings and completions. For me, it feels like 2016 ended of a way of life I had become very comfortable with.
Over the last eight years, I've gotten used to supplemental oxygen and regular pulmonary function tests. Gradually, my lung function has dropped from 100 percent to 75 to 68. When it dropped to 40 percent within six months, that was significant. That's when I got used to being tethered to a concentrator or a portable oxygen cylinder around the clock. Happily, that number stayed at 40 percent for three good years. After each visit to Duke Medical Center for testing, I was happy to report that I was still "too healthy for a transplant." I'd had to exchange things like tennis and running for other things--knitting, reading, writing--but life was still good, still full of plenty of happy distractions.
In November, however, I learned that I am no longer too healthy. Things were said about it being time to get me on "The List," because the disease has started to progress. Funny--I'd almost been able to forget that I had a disease. I'd come to view my oxygen deficit as a lifestyle change. Now I have to change my thinking.
I will go to Duke at the end of this month for a week of daily testing. Awesome Greg and I will make the 50-mile trip each day, and each day I'll undergo some kind of "procedure." I heard words like CT scan, heart catheterization and barium (the kind you drink). I must admit, I'm feeling a little bit of fear and trepidation as that week draws near.
But this numerology thing eases my anxiety a little. If 2016 was a 9, then 2017 is a 1, which means new beginnings. I must not resist, I'm warned, if I do not want to be pushed by the universe. I definitely do not want to feel pushed. Which brings me to my single New Year's resolution for 2017:
I resolve to become a person whose response to the future, whatever it may be, is "That sounds great--let's do this!" Maybe 2017 will make me the recipient some new lungs. Whatever happens, I trust that all be well. My resolution for 2017 is to choose trust over resistance. We'll start there.
2 comments:
I'd be scared too, Kate, because all change is scary to me, but I am confident in Duke, which is a great facility with wonderful doctors...and I'm confident in you, and your strength. I'll be thinking good thoughts for everything to go the best for you. Happy New Year!
Thank you, Cindy--and thanks for the numerology writing prompt! I really am going to try not to spend so much time being scared this year, and see how it goes!
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