For a Little While

With my sister, Melissa, 1991.



At least we had you for a little while,

Like Max said about his balloon when it floated up into the clouds.

Remember? He always had such a good attitude.

Karen and I were talking this morning about how much we all still miss you--

Especially today, on your birthday.

A friend recently told me that your loved ones don't show up in your dreams until you're through mourning them.

I believe that's true. Neither Karen nor I have dreamed of you. It still hurts too much to know you're not here.

Life goes on, and there are plenty of things that bring us joy.

But saying "At least we had her for a little while," doesn't ring true.

You're not a balloon. You're our sister--our baby sister--and no amount of time with you is enough.

When I woke up today, I thought I might write a blog that wouldn't make me cry, but I can't.

I have many memories of you that make laugh. Most of them, in fact.

As we all confessed after you died--you were everybody's favorite.

You were the smartest, strongest, most tenacious kid Mom and Dad had--and by far the funniest (well, except for maybe Jason)!

But I can't get the the funniness out of my head and put it somewhere where it can be read by others.

Instead, I just hear a small voice inside saying, She should still be here.

Forgive us if this is not the way we're supposed to feel.

I haven't got it in me to say "I know she's in a better place now," although I'm trying.

Well, I can say it--I have said it.

I just can't feel it. Not yet.

Happy Birthday, Missy. We love you forever.