Mom's Anniversary Blog/A Guest Blog

"Mom Sampler" completed by Kate in 2002. (It was actually intended as a wedding sampler for someone else, but it took too long and there was a divorce before it was finished...then Mom died...Perhaps it will become the cover of a photo album someday.)

It's been eight years now -- that's so hard to believe!

I'm calling this A Guest Blog because I'm lifting material from scrapbooks that my Awesome Sister Karen has done for us...

This is from a page she called "Always Cherish." She included several photographs of my niece and nephews, Avery, Alex and Max, and one of a sign roughly lettered on a wooden board. The sign reads "Rosemary Pond." I don't have the photos for you, but here's her text:

Rosemary Pond, such an innocent activity for the cousins, such an emotional moment for my sister, Missy, and me.

Max and I were visiting Alex and Avery, and the three of them were outside playing in the sandpile, as usual. Missy and I were on the deck visiting. After some time, the kids came running up to take us back to the sandpile and show us what they had been working on for so long.

There in front of us was Rosemary Pond, a work of art they had lovingly constructed, complete with a hand-lettered sign and roses strewn all about...all for Grammy Rose, my mother, their grandmother, who had died in late February. Though children don't always let you know what is on their minds, their actions demonstrated they were thinking about their grammy. I hope they will always cherish those memories of the woman who loved them so much. (July 2001)

Then, from another scrapbook done more recently -- since my dad died last January -- here's a page she put together called "Angel Parents:"

In case you can't see what she's done, she's taken photos -- me with my mom and my sister, Bev, with my dad --and put angel wings on Mom and Dad.

There. I knew I was going to cry today. But speaking of crying, here's a quote from someone else...

(I've used this before in my blog. It's from Philip Beard in his book Dear Zoe, which I blogged about on Jan. 24 and Feb. 5):

"...sometimes I still miss you so much it feels like someone is pushing their finger into the base of my throat and I cry like it just happened yesterday. But now when I cry like that it kind of feels like it cleans me out, and each time it happens it feels like I'm going to have a little longer until it happens again and usually I do. It's not that I'm missing you less. It's more like I'm finding a place to keep you."

I feel like that's what we've done now...We've found a safe place to keep Mom, although we still cry.

There are so many memories that come back today...Pages of journal entries written by my sister, Missy, and me, during the weeks that Mom was in the hospital...More memories recorded afterwards, as we tried to incorporate her death into our lives. (More difficult than I had imagined.) But today I'm finding that I don't want to read through those pages. I don't want to write about that today.

Oh, okay -- Maybe there is one thing...

I think I've mentioned once or twice that one of the last things Mom said to me was "You should listen the first time." Well, apparently, after several years had passed, I felt ready to honor that quote with a limerick. I found this, and I'd like to share it with you now:

It's exactly four years today --

Not long before she went away --

That my little mom said

From her hospital bed,

"You should listen the first time, ok?"

I can still hear her soft reprimand,

And I wish I could still touch her hand

And tell her I know;

It's hard for me, though,

'Cause my ears may have other things planned.

(2/23/05)

(I'm still working on it, Mom.)

I hope you know how much we all love you and miss you!